Well, fuck.
I told you I thought I was getting a little bit of a handle on work? Yeah, well. Scratch that. Yesterday the most talented person on the product development team quit. I’ve now been asked to be a part of managing that team and covering for the hole in staff.
The PD person quit because Chief Cutie is a horror! I know this for two reasons:
1) Chief Cutie herself told me that the PD person said they felt completely disrespected and can’t do it anymore. So now, not only has the amazing PD person quit without another job lined up, but they are the second person to do this in the last couple of weeks (quit without anything lined up - another person does have another job lined up, but that’s still 3 people in a staff of 22). And…
2) Chief Cutie IS hands-down the most difficult person I’ve ever met!
The other thing that Chief Cutie confided in me last night after she told me that her expectation of me is to essentially take over all of design and product development is that she is pregnant, which I think is one of the reasons why she’s been a raving bitch one minute and a sweet, agreeable human the next for the last few days.
And just when I thought I was making some headway, I NOW HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING - - again.
The really sad thing is that in an effort to reduce my anxiety about my own job is that I have taken to the support of my Valium and a half glass of wine before work on a couple of days this week. This is NOT something that I’m proud of, but this is my diary and where I’m going to offload this stuff.
And this will NOT be my life going forward.
I’m going to do what I can do. But I’m NOT going to kill myself for this.
I do know that Chief Cutie won’t fire me at this point. She can’t. I mean, she can, of course, but it would be a stupid move on her part, so I can stop worrying so much about my performance.
All I can do is throw myself in there while I’m there, but not to the detriment of my mental or physical health (good luck) and do what I can do - and if that’s not enough, then fine. I’ll figure something else out.
God, this fucking sucks. I mean, it seems like all of my peers my age are actually retiring and here I am freaking out about my work like it’s the first fucking job of my career!
Ugh.
I’d SO rather be telling you about my men trouble. Ya know? In fact, I miss telling you about men trouble!!
Better go. It’s a beautiful day out there and I’m missing it.
GS
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