Wow, I didn't log in OD that often nor do I update it but to know that it was gone just like a click on the fingers sadden me so much, I make friends with people that I admit I do not keep in touch with because I am simply a person who do not keep in touch. When I realize OD is gone, I panicked and the one person that I think was a guy I know from many years. Nothing romance about our relationship but purely friendship or brother/sister-ship.
I met "brother" when I was having depression issues, because that is the time where i write a lot of poem, and I guess one of the poem attracted him and thus he left a comment on my OD and thus the boom of the friendship, i know I am a very bad sister for not keeping in touch. I am a bad person when come to keeping in touch or normally I am not so good with human relationship.
When I hang out with one friend, at least I have something to talk about but once there are 2 friends in the hangout I will always feels cast out, thus it always make me anti social in many ways. But now that i am married I try to be more social able, but I guess I failed miserably again. I spend my time taking care of my husband and of course we have our issues but at least I know I love him very much. (Next entry)
OD is always my secret diary, where I can be myself and say the darn-est thing to relive my tension and my anger. I guess when I do not log in to OD and write an entry, means my depression is getting better. I no longer have inspiration to write poem, which I feels that is a lost but at least I no longer cry and angry that much.
I joined poem groups, depression groups at OD and I chatted with a few people. I learn to cope with my anger and my depression, and I know when I write and rant about it, it make me feels so much better.
I was googling OD again (since I don't remember the address http:// ) because I am depress and I need to rant, and I need someone to talk to or I need to talk to a page where no one responding or might respond. I just need to rant my frustration out. Because I know it helps.
I googled a few site about OD and I found that a lot of people been migrating here thus without thinking I created an account here with the same User ID.
LOL I guess I am a person who never know how to arrange my thought very nicely thus this entry is freaking messed up about all the thing I try to share in just on entry.
I know I have cold feet before my marriage -(bro if you are reading) but after I think through, I really love him, thus we are married, and I am very happy to marry to him. Of course we have normal husband and wife arguement but chinese believe that you fight from the top of the bed and by the end of the bed you are good with each other. Which in our case is like this. At least we try to talk about it and he make me understand his viewpoint so do I making him understanding my view point.
I moved to Europe because my husband is an European, I am happy that I finally moved out from home, and I guess that's make my depression become much better. Moving away make me appreciate what I had at home, even though my parents are conservative but I still love them more than anything in the world. Things are not going very well in my home because of some stupidity my father had done that cost so much. But I still love him, because I believe what he did is to make sure my younger brother have a better future. But in return my younger brother do not appreciate it ...... (next post- I need to rant)
Now my husband study group are done so the friends are going home and I still need to blow dry my hair since I just done my shower and decided to check on OD.
I will rant later =.= op
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