Hello—
I guess this is my starting entry to lay it all out as to why am even bothering to create this. I suppose I have reached a point in my life where I feel I should be more accountable for both my physical and mental well-being. I could throw in spiritual/emotional as well, but I roll my eyes at the whole “mind, body and soul” reference usually.
In any case, I used to enjoy writing quite a bit, yet I became rather reserved the more the ridiculous and drama-filled years spread out before me. To no one’s fault but my own (since I was technically my own ignorant adult), I lost so much control in my early to mid 20’s. I made so many foolish decisions that I can only congratulate myself now when I can make an honest self-deprecating joke about it. But perhaps everyone makes mistakes when they’re younger, right? That’s a part of growing up, after all. . . The unfortunate part for me was that it all just snowballed still for years to come.
Although now the snow has mostly settled I still often feel emotionally stunted in the no-hopes/no expectations kind of way, to which I’ve realized is its own kind of trauma that I need to proactively address and fight. I want to turn all my feelings into something positive and/or at least productive for me; I want to talk about/vent/celebrate/document the things that are important to me (but that means I have to also rediscover what exactly they are at this point in my life and become disgustingly more ego-centric in my expressions); I want to notate things that I do to try to enforce the changes I’m making for my overall health; and perhaps I even want to attempt to discuss my own experiences of my spirituality—as difficult and as private as that has always been for me. Anyway, I basically just want to get it out and not feel like a hapless husk of a human being anymore, but all through the comfiness and warmth of anonymity.
Two concerns I have is either not having the discipline I need to write often, and the other is liking the experience too much and then wanting to share things that take my anonymity away. It isn’t like I’m anyone special, but if I do get to a point feeling comfortable enough to get things out due to the anonymous nature of the site, I just don’t know how I’ll feel. . . But I guess I’ll cross that bridge if I get there (and if it isn’t burning).
So my name on here is TryingTime. Take from it what you will. I find it pretentious but it’s the first thing that came to mind. It’s just a silly play off the saying “trying times,” along with me just trying to have a reminder to make the most of time itself.
So here is where I suppose I’ll end for the time being. I guess there’s only one last thing I want to say:
To Any Reader that Isn’t Me:
If anyone ends up reading any of my rambles, I want to express a sincere thank you. Granted, and I don’t mean to sound rude, but it doesn’t generally matter to me how a stranger may feel about anything I say, yet the fact alone of ANYONE sharing their own time to read of my existence, well, that I do appreciate, a lot. And to whoever you are, if you make it to the end here, I hope all is well for you in your own space and time as you read this.
Take care.
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