Repention in Dear Diary

I cried… my eyes out.

All I could do was cry and literally beg god for forgiveness and my dead dad for help.

I am so so so exhausted. I don’t know if I can handle the anxiety and depression anymore. I want to give up. I want to leave. I know it’s running away, but every time my phone rings, I’m scared. Every time my family doesn’t respond to my message on time… I’m scared. I’m always scared!!!!! AND I’M SO TIRED OF ALWAYS FEELING THIS WAY.

I’ve tried getting help. I spoke to someone… He was useless. And expensive. I know it was one session and I shouldn’t expect miracles but I thought it would be more helpful. I guess… he said some things which… did help. But between you and I, I was not 100% honest and everyone knows therapy doesn’t work unless you’re completely honest.

I am constantly anxious and tired and depressed.

I know how to fix this. I know I should tell my family or someone in this family but I don’t think I’m ever going to be ready to do that. And the mere thought of them finding out… makes me want to disappear of the face of the earth.