Dorito Breath in These Foolish Things

I’m tired of talking about job offers and finding a new gig. Aren’t you tired of hearing about it? I’m not going to think about it until Monday, when I have to once again reject Cutie Pie Company and possibly have to negotiate something with the Serious Company. Ugh.

What I want to talk to you about now is what happened last weekend: Girls Trip!!

Last weekend was so much freaking fun because for the first time since the pandemic began, I went on a long weekend getaway with my college girls. Five of us were finally able to make a long weekend trip from Thursday to Sunday and it was an absolute JOY!

I won’t get into too many of the details because there are just TOO many silly moments. Let’s just say we spent four days just loving on each other like only college girls can do. I got extra-special loving just for being alive, and I promise you, I did not take a single second for granted.

First day, all of the girls converged on [my city] and we had a fab lunch and then took a 4+ hour drive to our location where we had an adorable Airbnb set up. 3 bedrooms. I was told I could have my own bedroom, which I didn’t really want because I sleep alone every night, but on night 3, it came in handy (more on that later). Dinner that evening was in a tiny little place where we pretty much took over. The food was terrible, but the love was genuine. And of course, lots of hugging, kissing and photos. Ha!

Second day was wine tasting. Went to four different vineyards/wineries and (with driver). We did tastings, but were so excited to be with each other it was really hard to listen to any of the commentary on the wines. I’m sure we annoyed the guides (or whatever they are called), but I feel like we just wanted to pay attention to each other rather than listen to the wine stories, which is why I prefer to travel solo when doing anything really educational (ha!). Then a fantastic dinner with live music. We danced. Then back to the Airbnb to hang in the hot tub until I got too tired and had to get out and went to bed. The other girls stayed up a while and sang horribly off-key, which made me lie in bed laughing until they stopped and I finally drifted off.

Third day was the most fantastic all-day music festival. The highlights included: meeting a fellow cancer survivor, flowing wine and beer, meeting some band members, hanging out with a biker gang and passing around a weed vape pen, meeting a bunch of girls from all over, nearly getting into a million fights (oh lord…alcohol and middle-aged women at a music festival don’t really mix), nearly getting kicked out, AND meeting a REAL, LIVE COWBOY who happened to be SINGLE!

Real Cowboy (RC) and I took a liking to each other, so we invited RC and his buddy to meet us at a new location after the music festival was nearly over (we left before we were escorted outta there!). We danced the two-step and he twirled and dipped me! Whee! In the end, RC left his buddy to come back to the Airbnb with me to get nakey in the hot tub.

And there we were…in the moment…nakey in the hot tub. Girls had made themselves scarce. I was sooooo ready to finally, finally get some action. I was ready for some no-strings, real, live Cowboy hanky-panky. When all of a sudden…

He gets real close to me…

Bubbles all around…

Hands touching bodies…

And I get a whiff of DORITO BREATH!

Y’all.

RC had gotten into a snack mix that one of the girls had brought back to the Airbnb for late night snacking! This was NOT for pre-hanky-panky enjoyment because I immediately lost those sexy feelings and I could NOT get them back!

UGHHHH! DORITO BREATH IS A REAL BONER KILLER!

I had to somehow let him down gently, which I think I did without hurting his ego, and we ended up snuggling in bed (he showered and I could tell dabbed toothpaste in his mouth, so it was much better), him being the big spoon and me as little spoon with my back to him. And even though he snored, it was soooooooooooo nice to have another human in a bed next to me.

Let’s think about this for a second. I haven’t had a human in a bed with me who stayed until morning since The Scot. That’s over three years. That’s honestly the saddest thing I’ve written in a long, long time, but it is what it is.

Fourth day we had to get up early because one of the girls had an early afternoon flight. RC helped us get all of our bags into the SUV and then we drove RC to his motel on the outskirts of town. I’m not kidding when I say “motel” - it was kind of a cute little place with string lights and all, but it was a genuine motel, straight out of a Western movie. Perfect for a real cowboy.

Anyway, the drive back to [my city] was so much fun because we laughed and reminisced about the entire weekend and RC kept CALLING us, checking in, and I told the girls about the Dorito breath, which made it more hilarious every time he’d call. It felt like we were back in college doing stupid college stuff again and my soul needed it so desperately.

After we dropped one of the girls off and picked up Martini at her boyfriend’s (where she stays when I travel), I got to bring the rest of the group back to The Treehouse, which was fun for a bit and then we went out and had a late lunch and I sadly had to take everyone back to the airport to say our goodbyes (sob) and return the rental SUV.

Oh, how I needed last weekend.

Oh, how I miss those women.

Oh, how do I get another human in my bed again? This time without Dorito breath, please?!

With love and not a lot of patience,
GS