It has been almost a week since we moved into our apartment. And wow, it feels amazing just to have our own space. Even though we still have to worry about having enough money for the month and starting our new jobs, just having this place takes away so much grief in our hearts.
Living with Brandy and Jimmy these past two years has been a wonderful experience and I've met a lot of amazing and caring people, but I have been living for other people. Clay and I have kept our dreams and hopes, but our daily lives were consumed by worry that Brandy and Jim were going to break up or some other kind of drama that kept us hiding in our rooms and wishing we had somewhere else to go.
It's funny how things work. Brandy ended up breaking up with Jimmy about three weeks before we moved. We both are very happy for her, although it made our last few weeks there hell. Jim, as stubborn as he is, had to claw and kick every step of the way. His stubborn attitude and misplaced pride just kept pushing her away until she decided that she doesn't want to be with him at all. It feels strange after so long, that we're not technically a family anymore. Not only does it make it awkward around the boys' family, but it has caused tension between Clay and Jimmy. Even though it's Jim's fault, I still feel terrible that, as brothers, Clay can't support Jim.
So with all the drama and awkwardness, it feels like a whole new world to be living in a space that I can call my own. I don't have to worry about roommate's things or schedules. Clay and I can actually focus on ourselves and our own dreams. I have so many projects and goals set for myself at the moment. I'm trying hard not to overload myself. But it feels like I have all the time in the world now.
Today is Clay's first day of orientation. I'm very excited for him and I hope that he ends up liking this job. I've also been very nervous about starting work at a new store. I've been putting it off even though I shouldn't. I just hope that things go smoothly and without to much chaos. I'm still going to look for another job. I want to find a full-time job that I can feel good about. Not just a paycheck. But we'll see.
All I can do is continue. Forever and onward.
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