Oh Solo Mio* in These Foolish Things

• Today I just let things slide with Cunty Support Girl because it was taking up too much of my brain space and affecting my heart space, and I don’t like that at all. Sadly, I did have a discussion with a couple of my counterparts who’ve told me that they simply bypass Cunty Support Girl because they can’t get anything done with her, so at least I know that more people have her number than previously thought. Seems there will be changes soon enough. Hell, I could be part of these changes as well. Who knows?

• With regards to the other jobs I’d been talking about, hmmmm. Let’s see. The giant corp one went with someone with more experience in home decor and I can understand that - my current work is very, very specific. The smaller, iconic company went with a former colleague of mine (I wrote about this). My target company wanted to talk with me further about a job I DIDN’T WANT! Wahhh! I told them I was looking for a different position within their company and there’s nothing open in that area right now. They were asking me to take a freaking 40% pay cut! I mean, fuck you with your slap-in-the-face job!!

• The Bulldog (remember him?) has been telling me for years and years that I need to start my own company and do my own thing. But I just don’t know how to even begin. And how would I make money starting out? He has his own business and does really well, but of course, he has had some very skinny years with little to no health insurance. How on earth would that work for me? I don’t know. Yet…there is that little piece of me that would LOVE to just be doing my own thing.

• I matched with a dude on Bumble whom I’d dated a good 20 years ago. I’ve got to go over to OD and find his RAD! Later well, I haven’t been able to find it after searching for a bit. Anyway, he was soooooo intriguing way back when. I was totally into him. He acted into me as well, but I also found him wishy-washy about making plans and things fizzled out. We also matched a few years ago and I don’t know what happened there. AND we’ve matched again now and he’s STILL hard to understand or get a read on. I think guys think that since you’re on Bumble that the women have to be the aggressor and kind of hate that. I still want to be wooed. I hate being the one to make the suggestions of meeting, etc. Ugh. Anyway, I asked him if he wanted to go on a dog walk over the weekend and he sent me a loooonnnggg text about all of the stuff he has to do and then he said, “Maybe. Text me.” and I’m like…”well, that’s vague” and he’s like “it’s vague because I have 3 kids” and I said, “Well then, maybe we should make plans when you don’t have your [almost grown] kids if that works better for you.” and he replied that his kids are fine to be left for a little bit. And blah, blah. Then COMMIT to a time, motherfucker!

• I’m so annoyed with the dating scene.

• I have therapy tonight. I’m also kind of over that, too. I don’t have a particular issue that we’re working on. I haven’t had the postp-cancer treatment menty b that I thought I was going to have (don’t you love that term, menty b? It was coined by someone in the cancer community I follow on IG). I’m just not feeling that I’m getting $170 worth of advice while I talk with someone who feels like a friend over a Zoom call. I don’t know. It’s nice to talk with someone, but I feel like I need to be making progress. I feel stuck. Stalling. Maybe I’ll tell her that tonight.

• I still love my apartment so much, I can’t even explain the feelings I get when I come home from work every day. It’s almost weird. I’ve never been so attached to a living space. Maybe the feng shui is just totally right for me, I don’t know. But I can’t wait to get home every single evening and I hate to leave every morning. When I get home, I have a little series of things that I do: set my bag down on the entry console, run to the bathroom (ha!), make sure my roomba is docked correctly and not lost somewhere under a bed or behind a bathroom door (she sometimes closes doors as she cleans), turn my balcony string lights on, turn on several lamps in the living room to give off a warm light, grab something to eat (usually a meal prepped meal), walk the dog through the park, call mom and dad, and then turn on the TV for background noise while I putter around doing whatever evening things I decide to do…then my whole bedtime routine - face cleansing, moisturizing, etc. and getting into bed and scrolling social and then glorious sleep. Yes, there’s much more to life and I’m starting to poke my head out socially, but I’ve fallen into this solo life that I adore right now.

• Ooops. I better get ready for therapy in a couple minutes.

UPDATE! Therapist just sent a text telling me she’s running 10 minutes late so I came back here to say that I can’t believe I forgot to write about the HUGE, MOMENTOUS OCCASION last week: 1 year colonoscopy AND had my mediport taken out! I mean…so many feels and I haven’t written about it. How can that even be? I have some work to do. Next entry!!

Love,
GS