on my own in Random thoughts

No drinking, no smoking. You have to deal with these thoughts and feelings all on your own. Oh what I would do for a fifth of tequila and a pack of smokes right now. I need to figure out a way to calm down without it though. I just don't know how. Especially when that was what I used to calm myself down for so long. I mean, that's how I relaxed. If I was beyond stressed, the way I am right now, I would just drink and smoke and be all better for a week or so. Now, I just don't know. Some people say to meditate or pray or what ever. I don't meditate well myself. I can't calm down. I haven't found much that helps. Drinking always helped. But then you feel like crap the next day. I can't even remember the last time I smoked a cigarette. Why would I ever want one right now? It's been years. That's so weird. I would probably get so sick if I tried smoking one right now. It would be like doing it for the first time. I don't pray much. Not nearly as much as I once did. I have a theory that God is oxygen. And our soul is our brain. Whether or not your soul leaves your body and goes somewhere after we die, I'm really not sure. I would like to think that it does.