19. New Job and Home in My own struggles

Here I am again. About to write down what has been some familiar ground from the previous chapters.

To date as I write this, it’s been personally quite a torrid, depressing and isolating year for me. However at the very start of the year it all looked to be really promising. I came off the back of 2022 having had a mixed year particularly with my anxiety levels creeping back after I came back off holiday in Africa. Seeing most of my friend’s or as now as I deem them now “affiliates” (more on that later), I didn’t quite have the same levels of connections as I had in years gone by. But having had a job offer at the start of this year, it looked as though things were about to change for the better. I could think about relocating too and think about starting to settle down.

The job wouldn’t start until end of February so in the meantime, I went househunting. I wanted to move to Stone as it was situated inbetween where most of my social activities were in Stoke-on-Trent and where my new job was going to be in Lichfield. The very first house I viewed, I fell in love with straight away. It felt modern, comfortable, spacious and importantly for me, a garage! To make to viable though to buy straight away, I had to get my tenants, who were living in my house which I let out in Tamworth, get a mortgage quickly enough to buy me out. Sadly, this wasn’t to be the case so with each house viewing that I was doing was effectively pointless because I had no buyer. My house did briefly go on the market but again I couldn’t find a suitable buyer. By April, I needed new tenants in as the outgoing tenants found a house they could afford to move into. This effectively changed my strategy for this year meaning I had to find yet another temporary home to rent out. For me, this was enormously frustrating but yet unsurprising. I’ve ended up moving to Doveridge near Uttoxeter by beginning of June at a time when i was going through some personal experiencs which weren’t pleasant (to be explained). As I speak now, it doesn’t feel like my home as much as the previous ones have felt. I’m still yearning to be living somewhere nice and for the long term.

Back to the new job. I hadn’t had a new job since changing over 5½ years before. New scenery, new people and completely new job looking after something new. First 2 weeks were riddled with IT issues which meant it wasn’t great fun to be twiddling thumbs at my desk or being the newbie having to soak up as much information as I possibly could on something brand new whilst not doing anything productive. This did set a precedent as I did struggle to get settled into my new role and being a bit confused as to what it is I really should be doing (for reference, my job title is Systems Engineer in automotive). On the upside, I have had the time and expectation that I will need time to get up to speed learning but this is me, I have high expectations and ambitions that I want to progress quickly. This is my competitive nature coming out. I settled into doing requirements management getting involved with writing test cases mainly, however if I’m being honest this wasn’t what I was expecting the job role to be when I applied. I was hoping that there was going to be some engineering involvement in terms of making changes to software or calibration either desktop work or or whilst performance analysis which neither of which has happened.

After I got my house keys for living in Doveridge, I was heading straight to Le Mans the following week. As well as trying to get over for feelings I had for Natalie, I had some kind of realisation in terms of the job I wish to be doing which is to be working I the motorsport sector. There was a bit of selfishness there as part of the reason was not only for job satisfaction but for wanting to move far away from the troubles I had. A day after I got back, I started to apply for roles including some that were located in Germany. A week later, I got an invitation from Hyundai Motorsport for a video call. This seemed too good to be true and very surreal in terms of even think about relocating to Germany. The interview went well as this was simply a informal chat with the recruiter in terms of why I applied for the role. I had another invitation for a follow up interview but sadly I had to decline closer to the time as I had a work commitment during this time. Unfortunately, there was not to be another chance.

I didn’t get any other opportunities for interviews elsewhere. In all honesty as much as I wanted a better opportunity, I felt conflicted if I should be even thinking about leaving so soon even if I had an offer. What if things did get better staying put? What was out there in terms of job roles? Would I be missing a better opportunity? These things were playing on my mind about my career and still are. Fortunately by August, I had passed my probation period and surprisingly with flying colours even though I didn’t think I did anything outstanding at the time. This was done at a time when there were a lot of people handing in their notices to leave so I don’t think they could afford to let me go even if I was doing a bad job!

Unfortunately still, I still feel no joy in what I’m doing. Compared to my previous job, it doesn’t have the politics, stress or drama to it but at the same time it doesn’t have any buzz or excitement to it either. I will still be on the lookout for my next move which if it happens for 2024 then great but I know it won’t be the end of the world as I’m planning time off every 3 months for a personal reset.

All of this pales to insignificant as I met a lovely lady this year called Natalie.....