This year has been a difficult year. I broke up with Clair, I said good bye to Sebastian when he moved to Chicago, and Paige has been too busy to talk to me with her living in China and all. The three people in my life I cared and loved the most are gone.
Depression isn't something I'm not used to. I suffered from it when I was younger. But I got better, I didn't think things would fall apart again. But it did, slowly. That may be why Paige isn't talking to me anymore. I'm always negative and angry, she probably got tired of hearing me complain. That might be why I broke up with Clair too, me just not feeling anything at all even when the people around me were.
Not having Sebastian to lean on now and again doesn't help either. I didn't realize just how much I took his friendship for granted. He was always there when I needed him, just two doors down, now he's miles away.
I was hoping that my compleat lack of motivation and fatigue was low iron so I went to see my doctor. We did blood work and wile my iron is indeed low it wasn't low enough to be the culprit. So my doctor had me fill out a questionnaire.
Filling it out was difficult, every answer I circled the more I realized what was wrong. I have depression, again.
It's frustrating. I turned 22 just a few days ago and I feel like I'm going backwards, as if I'm back were I was when I was in high school, and I was very disturbed back in my youth.
So today was the first day on my anti depressants, because I honestly don't know what else to do.
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