Day 2 of getting back into the swing of normal life again. What IS normal life?
Let’s start with morning. I used to love my mornings. I’ve always prided myself a morning person.
Something happened by the end of chemo treatments that made me lazier in the mornings and I want to take control of my early mornings again. I’d started sleeping in later and later and sometimes I’d lie in bed until the very last second and then throw some clothes on and dab some makeup, grab the dog and my mask and run out the door, making it to the office just in time.
I hate that rushed feeling. I never felt like I had anything together. No control!
So I’m starting to take all of that back. I’m setting my alarm earlier. I’m doing my morning workouts again. I’m showering!! I’m picking out my outfits with purpose. I’m leaving for work earlier and getting out and doing my morning walks before getting to the office. I’m getting slightly more organized at the office.
I also often felt hungover when I’d get to the office - just that general feeling of yuck that feels very much like a hangover, so I’d have to feed it with carbs and pretty much whatever I could get my hands on. Sugary oatmeal and creamy lattes were my morning saviors (don’t get me started on the comfort food I ate for dinner). So now that I’m not hungover anymore, I’m leaning into hot tea with no cream or milk and trying not to eat anything before noon.
Just little tweaks that make all the difference in the world. It’s a start. So far so good. I know it’s only Tuesday, but still…
This morning’s shower thoughts: It’s been nearly two years since I’ve been touched in that way by another human being. I still groom like maybe someone will - shaving and woman-scaping and moisturizing and spritzing like I could have a date tonight and possibly even get LUCKY!
Alas, there’s not even a glimmer. Not even the faintest whisper of the possibility of that happening. I mean, I gotta get out or at least back on the apps, right?
And yes, I went out on Sunday evening for a little bit. I suppose I could call that practice. It was awkward. I don’t think I’ll ever hear from Mr. NFL, but that’s okay. As long as I continue to make an effort here and there.
I feel like I’m finally waking up from a terrible, terrible dream.
So MUCH to do! So little time!
And yet, I’m weary.
How do you begin again when you’ve been through the wringer? I guess one step at a time. Slowly but consistently. Little tweaks. Get out more. Morning exercises. Stretch in more ways than one.
Onward,
GS
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