Late-breaking news: I just had my annual review as a surprise (!!!) meeting today. It got scheduled this afternoon and the location was my (new-ish) boss’s boss’s office.
Cue the panic attack. You don’t have a sudden review in your boss’s boss’s office unless something is terribly wrong, ya know? And I was trying to play those tricks to look on scheduling calendars to see if HR was going to be in a meeting at the same time!
See where I’m going with this?
But honestly, I was moved into this somewhat different role right as I was starting chemo. I’m not using that as an excuse, but I haven’t been on my game. And my new boss (and former peer) kind of blasted her way into her role, pushing me to do what I thought I was supposed to do. I didn’t even have a job description! Again, not an excuse - I should have asked for one at the get-go.
I realize I never gave her a name for PB purposes. I don’t feel like giving her a name. And don’t get me wrong, she’s a pretty wonderful person and it’s not her fault for my handicaps, but yeah.
Bottom line, weird dynamic since Day 1. Plus CANCER.
Other bottom line, I need “improvement”. Really?
At my core I am a fashion designer and product developer. My role changed to senior brand manager and I keep being pushed into a different space. Boss and Boss’s Boss kept telling me that they don’t want to see me doing the things that I excel in. They TOLD me this!
I get it. That’s the job. It’s the role in which I was placed because they need someone for this role. But I’m not a very good fit for this particular job description.
I needed this job for the medical insurance and it was good to have this as a safety net. Oh, and the salary. But I keep banging my head against the wall with this job.
It’s funny, earlier today I just happened to have a lunch meeting with my financial advisor. Do you know what my FA was talking with me about? ?
RETIREMENT. As in, possibly soon.
We are going to do a cost/benefit analysis. He planted some amazing seeds that I need to think about. He even said that there could be an opportunity for me to retire just for a few years and then come back into the workforce if I wanted.
But the bottom line is that I need to think about doing what I love and the next phase of my life. It may not be full-on retirement, but it damn well better be something I’m passionate about!
The Universe is pushing…
GS
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