"A BREAKUP IS STILL A BREAKUP" in “LIFE IN THE TIMES OF CORONA: On A Mass Exile”

I admit that this #Covid19 pandemic is slowly draining out positive ideas from this writer’s brain. It hasn’t been easy.

Well, I hope the angle of this writing is different this time.

I remember a few years ago before the damn Coronavirus happened. I was sitting down with my two friends and we’d shared out breakup/divorce stories. I remember that it wasn’t easy.

I recently had my first talk with my new friend online. Long story short, we got to the part where we started exchanging stories about our past relationships.

I somehow could detect his palpable emotions that night. It was why I ended up saying the same thing I’d said to my other friends some years ago:

“A breakup is still a breakup. It doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong. It doesn’t matter who or what is to blame for it. You could be the bitch or the other person could be the jerk. There could be external factors too – beyond your control. Either way, it still hurts.”

The truth is, separation is never really easy. If you’ve never really gone through the same thing, then there isn’t much you can say about it. You should not be saying anything at all anyway.

What if you’ve gone through the same thing too? Well, if you know how to survive and get through it quickly, then good for you. Unfortunately, not everyone is like that. Some people need longer to heal. It also depends on how bad the damage is.

That’s why it’s so unwise to tell people to move on right away. Okay, maybe their last partner was a cheater / a liar / an abuser / a good-for-nothing kind or whatever. Maybe it was just a massive heat of the moment, but perhaps the damage is already close to irreparable.

Either way, their feelings are still valid. No matter what and how it turns out in the end, that the other person has once meant so much to them. Of course, they’ll still be sad when it’s over – even if it’s just a little.

There’s still that emotional toll. Feelings are not like a switch-light – something that you can easily turn on and off whenever you feel like it. Some feelings are probably much stronger than others.

You can’t expect anyone to move on as fast as you do. If what happens is the opposite, you also can’t expect others to sympathize with you – just in case you need some more time to heal.

If they do understand you, then it’s a good thing. If not, then I’m sorry. Reality can be such a bitch at times.

Why am I even writing this? Let’s just say that I’ve never thought that I’d come to this kind of understanding. Call this growing up. Perhaps this pandemic has given me more time to think and write about new perspectives on life.

I admit, I myself still have no idea. I don’t know if I’m still going to be single. I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone. Am I sad about it? Surprisingly, I don’t feel anything. I hardly think about it.
All I know is that for now, these days, I need to focus on my health and sanity.

R.