Kicking and Fighting (Minus the Drama) in These Foolish Things

Hey guys, what’s the scoop?

Agggghhh. I wait so long to write an entry and then I want to get all the things written down!

So. My latest is that I had to have a brain CT/CTA scan today. Neat, huh? See, I’ve been experiencing pulsatile tinnitus in my right ear (can hear my heartbeat in my ear), and that’s a sign that definitely needs to get checked out.

Remember when my carotid artery dissected and I was in the hospital for a few days a couple of years ago? Yeah, when I came thisclose to a stroke? Well, pulsatile tinnitus was part of my slew of symptoms, so when I started hearing the heartbeat again, I knew I had to tell my doctor team.

We think it’s probably chemotherapy-related because I’m having no other issues from a head/brain perspective, meaning, I don’t have headaches or neck aches or vision problems or anything like I had when my carotid blew, so that’s why I haven’t felt like it was an emergency or anything, but it IS a concern.

So, hopefully I’ll find out the results tomorrow and it won’t be anything serious.

Meanwhile, I’m now going to chemotherapy every three weeks from here on out. I only have three more sessions to go…but then again, I have THREE MORE sessions to go. And these fuckers are getting hard! Like, weirdly hard on Disco Day especially.

But I will power through like I have for 9 sessions already. Three more should be a piece of cake, but I get nauseous just thinking about that infusion room and the sounds and the smells. It’s definitely pavlovian. There are some people there who will be on chemo the rest of their lives! I can’t imagine. I just can’t. I suppose when you have the choice of that or death, you figure that part out. It’s nightmarish to think about.

Anyway. Back to my crazy head. Send the good juju that it’s something that will completely go away when I’m done with chemo. Thanks.

Next topic.

The love affair of the Treehouse continues (that’s what I’m calling my apartment now). I am having SO MUCH FUN getting it all spruced up and furnished. How is it possible that I waited so long to do this? No matter, this is truly a blast!

Last weekend, my sofa arrived and I had the Cyclist there to help me unbox and set it up (all we had to do once the delivery guy dropped it off was take the cardboard off and screw on the legs). I love, love, LOVE this sofa! It fits in the wall-o-windows corner perfectly and it’s great for lounging and even sleeping if someone ever wanted to nap on the couch with me.

Alas, it will NOT be the Cyclist as I am pretty sure we will not speak again.

The dude was pressing my buttons all the time, whether it was consciously or subconsciously. I could not deal with that stuff. And the funny thing is, he kept telling me how much he “needs help” …which I thought was weird at first but now I understand. It’s like he needs someone else to help him simply function…with directions, with time, with being a normal human being.

I don’t know if I can explain it, but he’s like a child when it comes to figuring out how to get to a destination at a designated time. And he doesn’t seem to take certain social cues properly.

Anyway, like I said, very hard to explain - especially since he kept offering me help. I suppose he wanted to help the poor cancer lady, and it was suuuuuper nice of him to put together my console table and then offer to hang the chandelier light fixture I ordered. And I appreciated the work and the offers so much - I really did!

But I just couldn’t live with the passive-aggressive stuff. And the drama. He’s been divorced over six years and speaks very bitterly of his ex. I can tell that they were volatile and that’s what he’s used to.

At one point I told him that he was being a dick with his passive-aggressive texts and he YELLED at me, saying, “OH, I CAN BE A DICK IF YOU WANT ME TO BE A DICK!!!”

I will not tolerate that. Not now. Not ever again. No amount of home decor projects and climbing ladders will ever sway me into tolerating that kind of behavior.

So back to the solo projects I go.

And it’s fine for now. In fact, Best Bud’s husband is in construction and she’s already volunteered him to bring over a ladder and hang my light fixture (I will trade for a nice bottle of wine and some snacks). I can figure this stuff out…or find a handyman.

Life is so much better without drama.

So…let me get a move on. I’m still at the office. I didn’t sleep well last night, thinking about this CT scan and had to get to the hospital early then run as fast as I could to the office and now I’m just EXHAUSTED. I still have to get home and walk the dog and then hopefully fall into bed.

But I wanted to pop on and say I’m still here - kicking and fighting and rocking and rolling!

Love you,
GS