Overburned... in Everyday Rants...

Well.. I really did it to myself this week.

Monday, I bit off a little more than I could chew, when I picked up an emergency call with an already tight schedule. It took me longer than I expected, and ended up running well behind. It was also a fair bit warmer than helpful, and my stupid ass didn’t go back by the shop to refill my water bottle. So, I also ended up getting dehydrated to the point of heat exhaustion, and in the last garage I was working in, the only breeze was coming from the side of the garage with no windows or doors, it was poorly insulated with high ceilings so held a lot of heat, and of course, the job was a complete pain in the ass. I slipped a couple steps down my ladder a few times, and fell on my ass when I stepped backwards out of back door of the van and my foot slipped off the bumper. Oh, and this 1-1/2 hour job that the office should have rescheduled, I didn’t get to until after 4pm. So yeah, by the end of it, I was beyond furious, and really not feeling even a little right. I came home and stayed in the shower for over an hour, and drank several large cups of water. I didn’t get home until almost 7pm.

Tuesday still wasn’t great. I still felt like crap, and had to drive over an hour to get to my install. It was so much fun. Not. Again, not enough ventilation, but I did bring more than enough water this time. I drank about a gallon before I finished the install. I found the Porta-Crapper before I started packing up, thought I’d be good till I made it the almost 2 hour drive at rush hour back to the office. I was on the road for about 20 minutes before I realised I very urgently needed to extinguish a fire. Yeah, that was a reeeeeeaaaallly fun drive. Unbuckled my belt, Helped for about 5 minutes. Unbuttoned my pants. Yeah, 10 minutes. I sped my ass off, cut off a few people, ran a red light, came to a screeching halt in front of the garage door at the shop, raced into the office - nearly ran over H in the process, but made it to the restroom without pissing myself. Had to apologize to H after I drained off about 5 gallons. Or at least that’s what it felt like. Oops. Made it back around 5:30pm.

Wednesday wasn’t as bad. Out to the country, 2 in Seattle, and 2 more in a different rural area. Nothing really crazy. Just a crap ton of driving. Got in after 5 again, but not much after, thankfully.

Today was my “Show me the money day” aka collections. Lots of voicemail boxes. A few “I thought we sent you a check” but didn’t know the check number, usual BS. A couple did pay in full, though, so that was kinda rewarding. Weird, I know. I know how to use our accounting system - kinda, and I’ve gotten the hang of our credit card machine, so it feels nice to be able to write “PIF” on the account notes, and it’s kinda satisfying to punch the numbers in the credit card machine and get that “Approved ####” receipt printed. K then shows me a ticket for one of our apartment customers I seem to be visiting a little too frequently for issues with their parking garage doors. “Hit, stuck open” Okay, well, it can’t be that bad, right? I get there, and it’s one of these roll up gates that coils into the box over the opening. I look up, and it’s a big fat mess, it’s wedged between the side tracks, and the door opener is reading out all kind of errors. So I had to take the side tracks apart to get it unstuck, got it to where it would start rolling down, I put the side tracks back together, started rolling it down with the hand chain, and after a few clunks, thunks, and pops, the gate fell into a saggy mess. It looked like it did when it was hit a couple months ago and broken off the wind-up. I thought, well, maybe the pipe was just all the way at the bottom. Nope. It’s broken off, yet again. So, I went off and took care of the stuff I already had scheduled, came back at the end of the day, and once again, I had to jerry rig motion sensor to open the entry door so they can get out, and still keep the garage secure. The manager told me the cameras showed the driver that hit the gate never stopped. Texting maybe? I mean, yeah, it’s money for me, but dear lord people, put your goddamn cell phones away while driving. The resident who hit the gate will be paying for this, and for this kind of gate in this kind of situation, it ain’t gonna be cheap. Which brings me to now, sitting here on the couch, watching StarTrek TNG, typing this, and being stared at by fat shit cat. Sweet blob.

Tomorrow, I’m going out to one of the islands to sort out a door issue. That’s all I’ve got so far. But after this week, I am incredibly glad tomorrow is Friday. On a side note, I think I fucked up my yard. I sprayed for moss, and everywhere there was moss, it turned black. Parts of my yard have zebra stripes. I wish I was joking. Joys of being a homeowner. Live and learn. Meh.

I’ve been having dreams that I can only remember bits and pieces of, seeing faces (clearly, at that) I’ve never seen before. They have extensive feelings. It’s the kind of emotions I like, when I’m not single. Shockingly, none of them feature BL. Oddly, anything she does actually post, doesn’t really phase me anymore. Not sure when that happened. I realized it a couple weeks ago, and the realization wasn’t that big. It was just kinda a “huh, okay.” moment. Loneliness is still getting to me. Depression is still kicking my ass all up and down the driveway. I’ve just kinda given up. I don’t like some of the crap jobs the office is giving me, I’m getting screwed over kinda regularly, and instead of saying anything of it, I’m just doing it. It’s not that I’m okay with it, I’m just tired of fighting it. I don’t care enough to fight it anymore. I smile and joke a lot, but it’s still just a smokescreen. I don’t like my life anymore. I don’t like this place. I don’t like who I am. I don’t like who I see in the mirror anymore. I need to get away from here. This place is killing me. Apparently my limit on enduring solitude is 11 years. I didn’t want to find that out. I should have been married with a couple of kids for about 15-20 years now. I want that life. When’s it going to be my turn?

I’ve also realized I picked up a habit from my ex-fiancee. When she was annoyed or not feeling well, she’d always give a very bland “wheeeeeee.” I’ve been doing that for the last year or so. At least that was the only thing I kept from her.

Time to take take my pills, drink a NeuroBliss, and pass the hell out. Hopefully, I’ll actually get shit done this weekend.