Well, good news/bad news with The Bulldog.
I saw him again on Saturday!! Totally impromptu, but totally great! We had texted a lot on Friday and into Saturday and I was just having so much fun with it. I felt like he might be hinting around about seeing me on Saturday afternoon for some reason. I don’t know why, but I just got that vibe. I think we both figured out a way to do it and it worked! Long story, I ended up going on a walk and he implied that he thought I’d walked too far and asked me if I needed a ride. I said yes…so he picked me up and we went for a bite and some vino.
Great, great conversation. I am so enthralled by his brain. And his stories. He’s had a big, full, exciting life so far, and I want to know more and more and more. And he asked a lot of questions about me, which was really cool. He wanted to know about what I do and what my thoughts are about so many things. Just such a fun time getting to know each other.
His background is interesting – childhood in Southern California, LA kid, skateboarder, punk rocker, guess it went wrong and he was sent to live with his dad here in order to keep out of trouble. Says that moving here saved his life. Has lived here ever since. Works for himself from home. Builds websites and systems for companies and is also a photographer. Likes a lot of the same things I do and he’s turned me on to some thoughts, ideas and things to consider.
I hope I’ve done a little bit of that for him.
Anyway, we text and we talk and now we’re seeing each other, so what does that mean?
No idea.
Early Saturday evening, he drove me back to my place and now he knows where I live, but there was no inviting him inside because once he pulled up to my entryway, he held out his hand to shake mine. Uh. Yeah. A handshake. I even asked him, “…a handshake?” So he pulled my hand close to his mouth and gave it a kiss. Better, but….yeah.
Regardless, after the handshake it was back to texting and calling and I am just fine with moving slow. Really, I am. It is keeping things really, really intense and exciting for me. I love that he surprises me with texts here and there, and my heart skips a beat when I hear the phone ring and see it’s him.
So yesterday, we’re texting in the morning. I’d watched a movie he’d recommended the night before and we were chatting about that, and things let to a little more steamy in nature…and I wanted to let him know that even though I was busy at work putting a report together, that he had my full attention. So I texted, “You realize that I hyperfocus, don’t you?”
And that’s the last text (besides one more of me: “You were saying…?”)
Now silence.
I realize that it has only been 24 hours, but I’m so confused by this guy who comes on strong and sexy and then not…and then strong…
I am so fully into him (again, probably not the right place to be in my situation) and maybe he knows that I’m under his spell. But I’m NOT going to chase him. It’s just humiliating. I only want to enjoy him and this fun, causal, sexy flirtation. I don’t need this frustration. But I’m DYING to know why he’s not communicating back. Perhaps that’s his plan.
Meanwhile, Clark is back in hot pursuit and I’m avoiding him a bit. I know it’s not cool and I’m wondering if I should give him one more chance, but I think I’ve said all I need to say and I just need to be a decent human being and tell him I’m just not in the right place. I get a little funny thinking that maybe I’m going to miss out on something great, but I just can’t get my heart to flutter for him. Do I dare even see him again?
And I still pine for SexyPants, but not as intensely. I know that he’s still on vacation with his new love. I still can’t believe it at times. I still suddenly find myself crying and it’s embarrassing if it happens in public. In private, I let it out. I am still severely heartbroken and immensely sad. I wonder if he thinks about me…
Better get to work now.
I love you.
GS
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