Just thinking... in Random Thoughts

Fair warning, there’s some NSFW bits.

The summer BL and I were still dating, I was home alone for a week or so - my parents went out of town with my mom’s parents, and other than my dad’s mom taking me to and from driver’s ed classes, I was left to my own devices - my grandma dropped me off at home after driver’s ed, and I was headed back to my room to change, probably to get in the pool, when I heard a knock at the door. My first thought was wondering what my grandma forgot, or forgot to tell me. Our front door had leaded glass with some bits having a kind of prismatic effect, so until you got up to the door, you couldn’t tell who was at the door. Unless my dog went ape shit, then you knew someone who probably shouldn’t have been around our front door was now no long at our front door, as they were running at maximum velocity whilst checking their shorts. I miss that dog. When I got to the door, I had the same reaction as I did when BL sent me that friend request. It wasn’t my grandma, it was BL. She’d been near by, and decided to sneak over to my house, since with my mom out of town, we didn’t really have a way to see each other. Obviously, I flipped out a bit, and we spent a couple of hours ( I think) making out (both of us wearing nothing from the waist up - she was a VERY nice sight), cause we were alone in my house, and had time, so why not. I was so nervous about getting caught even though chances were incredibly small, we spent the time making out on my bathroom floor. In retrospect, I really wish I’d have been smart enough to make out with her on my bed, instead of the carpeted floor. I don’t think we’d have gone any farther than we did, so it would have been way better.

In 8th-9th grade (I’m not totally sure which), I went to school with our pastor’s daughter. She was this really cute, sweet, skinny blonde (seeing a trend here?) with a very unfortunate name, which was a very direct innuendo. While it wasn’t as big a crush as I’d had on SB or BD before her, I did yet still have a little crush on her. Years later, somehow or another I ended up in contact with her ex. I have no idea how that happened. He told me something about “seeing the stars in her eyes” on some bubble wrap in her parents garage. I confirmed that with another friend of mine who knew them both. After find out about that, which I didn’t really want to know, I did, and to an extent still do, wish that had been me instead of him. Oh well.

After my experience with my ex fiancee KB, who faked seizures, and realizing she was bat shit crazy, I still stayed with her, and moved to Missouri to be with her. When that backfired, instead of going home, I tried to make a life there and stay, which also backfired, and I ended up back in Texas anyway. 5 years later, LDR with a girl who I already knew was a bit nuts (BM), we met 4 times, then I moved her. It backfired. Shocking. I tried to make a life for myself here, and succeeded, but hate it here, and now I’ve made it difficult on myself to move back. 2 points to this. I should have never moved here in the first place, and I should have moved back far sooner than this. Here’s hoping I learn my fucking lesson this time, get back to Texas, and fucking stay there.

How many times can you call your pet a “fat prick” before they think it’s their name? Asking for a friend.

I’ve hit that point of going without sex for so long, the common description in my head is “messy” - and I do mean that in a bad way. However, I’d still love to have a gf who enjoys having her boobs played with frequently, even though I know 9 times out of 10, that’s going to lead to something messy. There’s a nonsensical circle of what the hell. Basically now, I see a cute girl and think about what she’d be like to be snuggled up with and kiss. That’s really all.

I don’t like getting high or drunk. I don’t like how it makes me feel. I enjoyed being high on weed once, till I came down and proceeded to projectile vomit all over my friend’s back yard - in between laughing about it, then got home and proceeded to splatter paint the toilet. Every other time, it just gave me a migraine, nausea, and motion sickness. I don’t like being drunk for the same reason. So I don’t drink or get high. That and I would rather not have to question my memories as to their accuracy. However, even though I have only an unopened bottle of wine in my house and no other alcohol, I still like - and have - bar ware. Martini glasses, champagne flutes, shot glasses, beer mugs, even a set of Stella Artois chalices. None of them have been out of cabinet that I can remember.

I don’t want a brand new car. New diesels are choked by emissions controls, new gas cars aren’t meant to be worked on, and all new cars have entirely too much tech in them. Yeah, that push button start is great, till some crook clones the keyfob you’ve left on your nightstand - from OUTSIDE YOUR HOME - gets in your car and drives it away to a shipping container headed to a 3rd world country. Those screens and all that computer control is nice and makes it so convenient - right up till it breaks, then you’re hosed. I’ll keep my mechanical gauges and push button key fob and twisting a metal key to start my cars.

I’m an empathic mirror. It doesn’t matter how good a mood I’m in, if I spend a few minutes around someone angry, I’ll get angry. If I spend a few minutes with someone who is sad, I’ll get sad. It’s a great strength to be able to relate to others, but at the same time I hate that I can be that affected by others. It makes some aspects of my life far more difficult on me, to just compound the internal fights with my Asperger’s - which I also hate.

It’s just a ramble I wanted to get out.