Things I miss about YOU.
I miss the way he walks. The way he walks around bars, the streets. The way he walks a few steps ahead of everyone else. He takes long strides and cocks his head back like he's walking down a red carpet. He moves his shoulders in tune with each step, and each step takes from the ground with a sort of bounce, which gives him a sort of swagger. Sometimes I find myself walking this way. I don't know how I've come to pick it up, but the way my body mimics his, and I can feel it doing so, is strange to me. And only further proof that he's under my skin and in my bloodstream.
I miss the phone calls at 3, 4, 5, or even 8 am. This one, you'd assume, is a given. I miss hearing his voice and I miss the way I'd smile constantly on the other end of it. But all the compliments and flattery he cooed into my ear isn't the real loss. It's the anticipation of these late night phone calls. It's going to bed with my phone on my pillow. It's falling asleep knowing that I might be up again before the sun. A comfort as well as a buzzing thrill in knowing that even though I had undressed and crawled under my sheets, the night might still have more in store for me. It was an excitement that was added to even the most mundane and uneventful part of my days..
I miss the way he looked at me. He would get this smile on his face when I was talking like he was genuinely amused or was just really enjoying the moment we were having together. He'd say it too. He'd stop me, mid sentence when he had that look on his face and say that he was sorry to interrupt but just had to say how happy he was to be there, talking to me. Only one person has ever looked at me like that before and it was a moment I can pinpoint in my house back in Colorado when my old high school guy watched me come down the stairs, after I'd grabbed my keys from my room, like he was looking at the love of his life, like in those nineties movies when the girl undergoes some kind of transformation.. but the transformation was more on his part. He totally fell in love with me in that moment and I'll never know how or why or why at that moment.. but anyway, that's the look.
4 (with a smile). I miss the dancing. All of my favorite moments with tyson involve dancing. Dancing together in the crowd on election night. Him watching me dance in troys apartment. Slow-dancing at Q to music you wouldn't normally slow dance to. Him dancing in front of my mirror to that new Drake song. Him twirling me around two floors up.
5 (with a bullet). The thrill of it all. The game. The ruthless strategizing that went into me throwing on a tight red dress, and curling my hair just right and knowing that all I had to do was put myself in front of him and the rest would take care of itself. Girlfriend or no girlfriend. The high I got waking up next to him on his birthday knowing he was with me.. and not her. Not anybody else. Not knowing whether or not I'd end up going home with him any given night but the possibility alone driving me, keeping me up till 5 am, party after party. Losing most nights made the winning so much sweeter. Learning that victory is sweet even deep in the cheap seats.
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