I miss you.
I miss your face. Your voice. Your greeting to me.
And I’m sorry.
I feel pathetic having to write a long letter that will never be read by you forever, but I don’t have any other release for my emotions.
I hope you know it wasn’t easy for me to do it.
Remember when I told you long before that if I felt that I was more of a nuisance to you than a source of comfort I’ll end things with you?
You told me I wasn’t too much to handle, but the difference in your demeanor in such a short time is so drastic. And you told me the reasons were 2/3 me. My issues and the repeating fights.
I knew then and there that I would only continue to drain you.
I feel horrible until now. I would occasionally look back and remember how we talked in the darkness of my room in the first few months after we first talked. How fast my heart would beat as I waited for your reply religiously. How I would smile when I read your replies throughout the day. How you would confide to me about your sufferings in life and about your dad who liked scolding you for stupid things.
Do you remember when I was so worried he’d to go your room so I asked you to barricade your door? You said I was cute then for being worried more than you were.
You used to tell me things that would stress you out and I would do my best to comfort you. Yesterday you told me it was senseless for you to tell me anything you felt because you could handle it.
I don’t want to know about your struggles so I could help solve them because I know you hate me doing it. I only want to know so I could give you comfort— the same comfort you told me you loved about me back then. It felt like I was the source of your hardships because you would hesitate to talk to me for fear of getting stressed. It was at that moment I knew our relationship would only deteriorate. I was no longer your sink nor someone you would run to as your sanctuary, and knowing that I was the reason for your change hurt me so so so terribly.
I’m sorry Choux. I really am. I’m sorry I hurt you and gave you so much stress to the point of you changing so much. I did everything I could to be better for you and for our planned future. I hope you know that I miss you and my heart still aches for you. I wish we could have met and I wish I could have hugged you so tightly. I miss you every second and I hug Covider wishing she was you. I love you so much. The only way I’m coping right now is to believe you’re doing well. That you’re having fun with your friends. That you will forget me quickly. You always said you’d be fine if we broke up, and I trust your word.
I don’t really know what to do from here on. I remember you in so many things. I miss you. I love you. Please take care of yourself.
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