I have been in the process of working on myself. I am calling it my healing season. Sometimes, when talking to others we make it sound all so easy. But it really isn’t. It is a process. But there are a few things I am learning in this healing season that has been put on my heart to share. I can’t tell you why. God doesn’t always tell me why, He just tells me to do it. I find that I am much better off, when I just say “Yes, Lord” and don’t make Him repeat Himself.
For me, for my healing, and I am feeling in my heart right now, that this goes for a lot of us the first thing we have to begin to realize is this: Healing has to be intentional. You have to sit down and unpack the hurt, face it, and go through it to heal from it. This may be confusing, and I am going to explain it some more, but I am going to go back a little bit, because some of you may be reading this and thinking, Well, duh, but I didn’t do that. See, I started to pack things away. I had this little filing cabinet in my mind and when I was facing trauma, and betrayals and hurts, I would put them in little boxes and tell myself, “I don’t have time to deal with this right now.” I would shove it down, pack it away and sometimes forget it was there for a while. I taught myself how to turn it off. I existed that way for so long (and I say existed, because when you teach yourself to feel nothing at all; you are not really living you are simply existing); I forgot how to turn them back on. I found that my soul would get tired. I would get depressed in times when I really had no reason to be depressed. Just because I packed it away, did not mean that it wasn’t still there. I just wasn’t dealing with them, and my mind, soul and heart was just running out of room for it all.
So, I have to be intentional in my healing. When things come up and as things that start in and mess up my groove, my sense of balance and I find myself starting to pack it away; I have to stop myself. I have to make myself sit down with it, feel it and unpack it and go through it. The big hurts, and the little ones, and all the ones in between. I have to deal with all of them head on, face them. I don’t want to live there, I just need to get through it, because there is a peace and a freedom on the other side that I have never felt before. Some of the things that I am healing from, I know that if God had not been giving me His strength to get through it, I would not have made it through. There have been moments that had I not the hope of Jesus, I would have had no hope at all. So, while I am going through the valleys and felt like I was completely alone, God reminded me that I was not alone. He was with me. But I had to make the decision to walk through it with Him. I had to be the one to say enough and begin to move. I had to be the one to take the first step. It had to be intentional. It has to continue to be intentional.
With the foundation of my faith and hope and strength in Jesus; I sit down, I unpack the box and I go through the hurt and as much I may not like it, I feel the feelings and I heal. I have to make myself. It is so easy and so tempting for me to start packing it away, turn it off. So I have to make a decision every single time to stop and process it.
I will be writing more on this I am sure. Healing and what not, but if you are there with me, whether we have the same Faith or you are standing on a different foundation, the message on my heart to get out there today is just that, make your healing intentional. Maybe you don’t have to start from scratch the way I do. Maybe you don’t have to practice it as hard as I do. (I’m gonna get there one day too, you watch me.) Be intentional. Feel it, unpack it and go through it. There is light and healing on the other side. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.
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