Stuff That Void in These Foolish Things

Today is my engineer’s birthday (he’s the one who had to leave early yesterday because his wife tested positive for Covid). I sent him a text to check on him and to tell him Happy Birthday. Even though the guy makes many mistakes and I get super frustrated with him, he’s still such a good guy and I don’t wish him any harm - especially not Covid. The guy smokes a lot and is diabetic and doesn’t take care of himself so I’m worried about him. I’m guessing he’s in his early to mid-60s and to me seems a little iffy for doing well with Covid. He said his wife is isolated in a separate room and feels like she has a bad cold right now. I’m worried for them.

When did I become such a worrier? I’m overcome with worry these days and it’s sooooo not healthy, I know! It’s just that nothing is easy right now and I feel like maybe I’m making things too complicated? I suppose that’s the control freak in me. These days are not good for control freaks. Must get back into my daily meditations.

That’s meditations, not mediCATIONS, though I have had a glass of bubbly here and there and when I’m super freaked out, like at the butt surgeon’s last week, I’ll take a ½ valium to take the edge off. I truly need to get back into my morning routines of meditation and cardio. I know for a fact that’s good medicine and that it works.

Meanwhile, I’m here at the office with my double masks, trying to avoid human contact. Yesterday, a new guy in the office who’s trying to be friendly, came up to me at the coffee machine that makes lattes and such and got really, REALLY close and actually took his mask down to talk with me!!

I got super upset with him and jumped about 10 feet away and actually yelled, “DUDE! I’m trying to social distance here!”

Now why would some fucker take his mask down after getting close?! This is really what people do nowadays?? I really want to know what I’m missing here for people to think that this is okay?

He apologized quickly and I told him, look. I really, really don’t want to get this thing and then give it to anyone else, so you have to understand what’s happening here. How could this dude be so clueless? I’m just sad about it all.

I have spent all morning on Zoom calls that I don’t even need to be in and then doing all of the heavy lifting that my guy is supposed to be doing. I’m so behind on real work. I’m anxious and edgy.

I suppose it’s a good thing that I’m not dating right now. What a terrible partner I would be. Though, when I think about it, times like these would be nice to have a partner…someone who’d ask me about my day and listen and I would do the same for him. We’d have a nice dinner at night and he’d drive me to my colonoscopy appointment and take me to a huge breakfast afterwards..someone who could snuggle at night and let me cry on his shoulder. And then he’d help me move. Oh, so many things. It would be really, really nice to share the load.

Gotta go. It’s lunchtime and I need to fill this void with food.
God, I’m a spaz today.

Love always,
GS