12:30AM thoughts in just me ranting about my life

I believe that my soul, or my spiritual being, isn’t currently living within my body. I feel empty constantly and it almost seems like I could see it somewhere in the future waiting for me. I don’t know yet how I am going to find it, but I can’t wait to start the journey to reunite with myself. I don’t know if I was never there or if I simply lost myself along the way, but for my family’s sake, and mine, I hope I just got lost. Unfortunately for them, I will have to step away to get back. I need to go to find myself again, some place in the future where I’m waiting to be happy. Right now I’m all alone and I can’t seem to feel any other way, even when people are around. I feel forced to to act a certain way and I’m tired. Please just let me go, give me a sign to encourage me to pack my bags and say my goodbyes without looking back. I don’t want to hurt anyone but I can’t live like this forever. I know I have time to figure things out, but I’m getting impatient. I keep projecting myself to a potential future and I forget to enjoy the present. And I don’t think that’s very healthy, mentally speaking. A new decade is starting in a couple of days, I think it’s time I put my life in track, bit by bit, and when I’m ready, I can go. Just remember, you matter and I love you.