I'm not sure whether I'm doing this on purpose to make the pain easier, or if he genuinely is starting to irritate me because I'm so angry with him, but either way it's made me less tearful. I've started to notice - or notice MORE - his annoying habits. He's kept me awake with his snoring for years, and part of me just can't wait for him to go so I don't have to deal with that any more. When he eats, he's noisy and some of the noises are gross to be quite frank. He farts and burps loudly - there's absolutely no need for it, but he does it. He gets VERY angry very quickly when things on the computer don't work - and that's most of the time. He slams doors, he claps his hands loudly, he taps things.
I'm starting to imagine a quiet, peaceful, tidy house that isn't wall-to-wall guitars, amps, speakers, mixers and other technical equipment. I'm starting to imagine being able to put something down and find it still there when I get back into the house. I'm starting to imagine eating healthy food instead of the tons and tons of meat-based stuff he likes to have. I'm starting to imagine the single life.
He is already living that life, which is frankly just cruel. He went out for breakfast with Julie this morning - one of the women I've raised objections to him seeing because the nature of his friendship with her has, in my view, been inappropriate and wrongly prioritised. He told me this morning he had been to breakfast with her. I don't know what reaction he was looking for, but he didn't get one. I just went out with my camera.
I'm getting my head a bit clearer - I think the new tablets are helping. I'm thinking that one of the only possible solutions to the living situation will be selling this house, and getting something smaller and cheaper for me to manage. OR selling both houses and moving my dad in with me to somewhere better suited to him, and using any residue money from the sale of both to support his care at home. Whatever I do, my husband won't be involved, he's chosen his lifestyle so now I'm going to make him live it. I hope he's happy, I really do, but I suspect he's going to find it quite tough at times. Particularly as both my children are struggling to like him at the moment.
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