You ever fall before? No, I’m not talking about scraping your knee after jumping off the swing set on the playground when you were little. No, I mean you personally. Your life. Your goals. Your motivations… You ever fall before?
I’m 23 going to be turning 24 next month. Almost halfway through my 20’s, with the dreaded three-o’ on the horizon. And it’s slowly dawning on me I don’t have much to show for it. You should have seen me when I was younger, so much potential. Now look at me. Living in borderline squalor, paycheck to paycheck, and I don’t see my lot improving anytime soon if I had to be frank with you.
Oh, I know what you’re thinking. “There’s still time to fix things, Vincent! You’re still young, Vincent! Things will get better soon, VINCENT!” You have to excuse my award-winning pessimism, but if your past year had been my past year, I think you’d be inclined to agree with me that I am slowly approaching the event horizon of my shit life and I accidentally hit the throttle instead of the brakes.Whoops.
Shit, I don’t even know what to say, I just needed to write something down.
Career? Nope.
College? Dropped out.
Apartment? Shitty shack in the ass-end of nowhere.
Family? Either not talking to, or disappointed, or (for some members!) both.
Vape pen? Just broke, so my ass can’t even get high.
Wow, my life really does suck.
The funny thing is, if I were given the chance to go back in time and fix things, I’m not even sure what the fuck I’d fix, you know? Every choice I made, I made that choice because at the time I felt it was the right decision. Shit, I certainly didn’t plan for any of this to happen, it just… did. It just feels like every option I choose is the wrong one. My life is an episode of “Let’s Make a Deal!” and every curtain I choose has a “ZONK!” behind it, what the fuck.
I’m being non-specific, I know. It’s just been awhile since I’ve written anything and it’s gonna take me awhile to get this all out. I’m hoping if I start writing maybe it’ll, fuckin hell if I know, give me some clarity?
A bit of a long shot, but it’s cheaper than therapy… as if my broke ass could ever afford therapy.
Fuck Ohio. No particular reason, I don’t live there. Visited on occasion, but I just don’t like them. That is all.
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