NJM 2020, Entry 2 - Back in the Swing? in These Foolish Things

I love a fresh November. It feels like a new beginning.

I had what felt like a delicious night of endless sleep (probably because I just checked my fitbit and see that I was asleep by 8PM, oh man). The sad thing is that I can’t wait to go to bed every night. It’s like the only thing I look forward to every day - getting to crawl into bed and sleep like the dead. I don’t know if it’s because I’m so depressed or if it’s from my BP meds or something? I can’t figure out why I have such a hard time dragging myself out of bed in the morning after I went to bed the night before so early.

Shockingly, probably because of the time change and my excitement over my November plan, I almost popped right up this morning because I knew I wanted to get back into my more structured type of morning routine. So I got up and took my meds, put my workout clothes on and then did 10 minutes of meditation followed by a 30-minute workout. Then full shower, which includes washing and conditioning my hair, exfoliating and shaving and then fully moisturizing every inch of my body. Nice!

Now. Not that I hadn’t been doing all of that before, but my morning routine of late has been an abbreviation and many different variations of the above because I just haven’t felt like dragging myself out of bed lately. There have been days recently where it was all I could do to get up and get dressed and out into the world. This is another reason why I have to go to an office setting - to work from home would mean that I wouldn’t even have to get dressed, and as down as I’ve felt recently, I feel like that has the potential to be disastrous.

I also fasted all morning until noon.

I feel on top of it today!

It’s so funny to think that just getting up and doing my “normal” routine can make me feel so good and feel so on track, but I think this pandemic is doing so much more harm that people realize. I’m sensitive to it. I’ve been noticing subtle and not-so-subtle changes in myself and others. I worry about my parents and my bro, SIL and niece. I notice them because they are my little world right now and I can see how things are affecting them.

I didn’t get to see my friend Anna over the weekend (the one who flew in from out of state) because my other friends (where she was staying) had other plans that involved indoor dinners and Halloween gatherings that made me uncomfortable. It’s such a strange feeling to think that I’m missing out of things because I don’t want my family to get sick…or worse. I’m sad that I have friends who don’t think like that. And likely, nothing will happen to them, but what if? What if?

This is the stuff that makes me a little crazy. Or maybe a lot crazy.

I did happen to see S.S., the guy who was so wishy-washy about taking me out for my birthday last Monday, at the fancy Starbucks yesterday morning. I was walking the dog and we stopped in for a hot tea and I wasn’t sure if it really was him so I stared for a bit.

Yep. It was him. He was with a woman who was sitting behind a laptop, so I’m not sure if it was a work meeting or what, Still, I’m 90% sure that he saw me and just didn’t have any kind of reaction. Weird.

Weird how I could have gotten so excited about him after a date or two and then…nothing. Guess I should get back in the swing with dating, too.

Okay, better go take care of some business.

More tomorrow (yay!),
GS