feeling lost....... in feelings?

idk.... I feel lost…obviously..... right now in my life I should be feeling secure and safe..... just getting engaged… living the life I always wanted… having a family.... I couldn’t feel more uncertain of things… and lost inside myself… feeling so lost I don’t know if she’ll be found?.... there’s nothing more than I want to not feel the way I do.... but I honestly don’t know how to help myself… I feel like if I tell anyone how I truly feel they’ll say.. or think.. “Stop being so dramatic..” I feel like no one will understand.. or even care for the matter of how I feel. And I don’t want anyone to feel pity for me.. or feel like they have to feel sorry for me..... I don’t wish this feeling on anyone. But I know I’m drowning myself in my feeling’s.... and its just pushing myself farther into this rabbit hole that I feel like I’ll never be able to get myself out of. The only way I feel any kind of “normal” is by journaling. But I don’t want to journal these feelings i have right now onto paper in fear of someone finding it and making fun of me… and calling me dramatic or suicidal… I don’t want to die.... I want to live… a normal life without feeling the way I do.. and with no one telling me that my feelings are invalid just because they haven’t ever felt the way I feel. I also don’t even know if this is even the right place to be venting about this stuff?… I just needed to get this off my chest.. in hopes that maybe it will get some of this weight off my chest and help me feel even the slightest bit better of myself? idk… I really dont…