an old friend of mine walked back into my life recently; coincidentally, after a really bad breakup. upon catching up over coffee, i realized: we have our differences, but we are so similar in so many ways, i can tell we’ll be able to get along really well. without asking, he’s already given me a lot of things i missed from having a relationship; good nights and good mornings since the first day we started talking again, hugs without me having to ask, feeling like I’m wanted and never alone, being cared about, and feeling like someone understands me and is willing to work with me, despite how difficult and complicated i may be, or how long it will take.
he said he’ll wait for me…
which may have been the sweetest, and most considerate thing i’ve been told. i see it in his eyes and the way he says it, he means it. i’m waiting until marriage to have sex, that’s a story for another time, but it 99.99% of the time is a deal-breaker for guys. when you think about it, it means he’ll either have a long relationship without it, or he’ll have to marry me, and that’s a big decision either way. i told this to, let’s name him, j, he was so supportive of it, and it didn’t faze him in the slightest.
in my last relationship, we had to negotiate, sex wasn’t something he wanted to give up, even though he did for me. it didn’t last long, and at the end of the day i wasn’t enough for him, and what we had wasn’t worth all we had to face.
you’re eyes are so unexplainably captivating, your touch so gentle, your smile so breathtaking… i think you are damn near perfect in as many ways i can think of. i think it’s too soon to catch feelings, let alone start a relationship right after getting out of one, and still you understood and said you’d wait. i don’t want to rush into anything, you know that, and you’re okay with waiting. i have my boundaries, my walls built up around me because of what i’ve gone through, and yet you’re so gentle enough not to knock them down, but patient enough to wait for me to let you in.
i don’t know what i was expecting, but i know damn well i never meant to feel the way i do, especially this soon. i’m so scared of ending up with the wrong person, getting my heart broken, or not being enough for somebody again. i was dumped because of things that were out of my hands, and the way i feel about you is, too, out of my hands. i wake up and fall asleep every night with a smile, your eyes do something to me, your smile drives me crazy, your voice comforts me, and your touch makes me feel so safe.
i don’t know what’s happening, or how, or why it’s happening. i never meant to fall, but if i am, i know that you’ll catch me. i’m just really hoping you won’t leave, that you’ll keep to your word and wait for me. i may not be easy, but i promise i’m worth it. you’re doing something to me, and it’s out of my control. i won’t tell you yet, but i really like you. you’re everything i could’ve asked for and more, everything just feels so right with you.
i’ve got walls of defense built around me and my heart, i have no idea how you got in. but you did, and you’ve got me.
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