“My brain is dumb” is the best way I can put it. More so my heart, I think. Me as a whole. Feelings that hurt to have, unable to know what is to come, and stupid for letting myself get distracted by them. I have so much work to do, things I need to get done. Yet, I stop and think and look to see if I’ve received any messages from them. Even just a “hi” causes my day to completely change. One little word from them is all it takes.
Without that word, I worry I won’t hear from them again. Completely dumb. A stupid and illogical thought that enters my mind and is at that moment the obviously right answer. They hate me. They just realized it sometime in the last twelve hours. They realized I’m garbage, nothing, not worth the time to be around/with/talk to/or acknowledge. They have found someone else they like better, and probably for good reason. They have to be smarter, more attractive, more fun, wealthier, more put together. Not like me. Not like this trash heap I am. I really don’t like me. How could others like me? I’m one of those people who doesn’t get invited to things. No one greets me of a morning with a “hi” or a “how are you?” If I didn’t reach out to others, I’d be forgotten. I think that’s why I do it. I don’t want to be forgotten. I want someone to care about me. I want someone to want me.
Loading comments...