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New Here in Diary

  • Sept. 13, 2020, 9:28 p.m.
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Hi, I’m new here. Not sure if I want to give my name or anything just yet I just thought this might be a nice place to get some things off my chest and maybe meet new people.

Going through a pretty rough patch in my life at the moment. I don’t really have any friends or family, and I’m not working at the moment either. I have a little 4 year old girl from a previous relationship that ended badly and I see her three days/nights a week at the moment. I’ve just ended a relationship with someone who I thought was really special after almost a year. She was also going through a pretty rough time and we ended up fighting a lot about the most stupid things. It’s been two weeks now and I just really miss her, and I don’t know if she’d ever take me back.

My little girl keeps me going but when I have her I’m totally alone with her. She’s generally a good little thing but it’s just this enormous pressure all the time. Feel like I don’t know if I’m doing the right things for her and I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m depressed and other times I feel angry at myself for being so pathetic and needy, which is probably why my last relationship didn’t last. Honestly, the thing I enjoy most in life at the moment is sleeping, and I hate waking up and starting another day. But I get on. I force myself to get up early, eat well, work out, try and stop myself endlessly scrolling through Facebook and wondering if it’s a “sign” of some sort that my ex hasn’t deleted me yet. I know things will likely eventually get better, but it doesn’t really help me get a move on with life where I’m at now. I just feel stuck.

Good idea is to practise gratitude, so here are some things I’m grateful for:

My daughter (obviously)
The friends I do have, even if they’re just at the end of a message
My health, which is in pretty good shape
To have loved and lost?


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