Separation in My Life

We finally talked last night. I told him we needed to when he got home from the gym. I couldn't go another day, the anticipation was absolutely killing me. And it's all just very sad, frankly. I said I felt like we left our counseling appointment last week with totally different views and I really don't understand how that happened. That he can keep doing stuff around the house but at the end of the day, I'm done. I just am. I said I was sorry, and that I am sad but that he changed so much and he's just not the person I want to be with. He asked me how he changed and I told him I wasn't going to sit there and attack his character; that he was just very different from who I married. He said I'd changed to and I said no doubt I had. But the core things that I've always done to show him I care never changed until about a year, year and a half ago until I started shutting down because the little things I used to get from him stopped happening. Mostly because he wasn't here, he chose to be at the gym.
He kept saying he was worried about the kids and I echoed those sentiments. I said if we do it right and we are good to each other, they will be okay. Kids have been through worse and come out fine. I said I thought our appointment Monday needed to be about getting advice on the kids from M on how to deal with all of this. I have a great model for how not to do things, because my parents not only told us in a horrible destructive/blameful way, but they also had a horrible relationship after. My mom's fault, not my dad's, but I didn't realize that til I was an adult. I did tell him that I don't want to rush things, I would prefer getting through first communion (first wknd in May) before telling the kids, and maybe even getting through David's birthday (end of May). I know we could keep putting this off but there's a part of me that thinks waiting til the school year is out would be the kindest thing, while we take care of things behind the scene. He has to find a place to live, we have to do a big basement clean out, there's logistics to be done. Even just having this talk last night and knowing we will be separated, saying it out loud, I think we were both more relaxed last night and this morning than we've been in many months. So it's out there. I am afraid and I'm sad and I'm embarrassed. But it's the right decision. The way we've been living is no way to live.