A few years ago my mentor asked me to write a recommendation letter and I failed. Miserably. I love to write, and I couldn’t figure out how to write something sincere that didn’t sound like I was madly in love with this person. Is that how it is for everyone trying to describe a mentor; someone that taught you some of the most important lessons?
I was thinking about it on a drive home the other day and trying to write a better letter in my head. I still couldn’t do it. I was thinking about all the ways this person has encouraged me, inspired me, supported me and pushed me in growth. I have a deep, sincere, wholesome love for this person. I mean, I’d hit it, but that’s really neither here nor there. He is one of my best friends, and yet I haven’t seen him in nearly a… decade? That seems pretty crazy, but that’s kind of me in a nutshell anyway.
He taught me that I can be the truest form of myself when I talk to him, ask for advice, confess insecurities or ask questions. I know that he respects me enough to be honest with me, whether it is going to piss me off or make me uncomfortable. It wasn’t always like that. When I worked closely with him years ago, I showed him my ass figuratively and literally, though the latter is a story for another day. He saw me struggling and he pushed me into facing myself, my destructive behaviors, and encouraged me (read “shoved me”) into making changes. I was angry with him until I realized that he wasn’t just trying to be a dick. He cared about what I was doing to myself even though I didn’t. He saw me when no one else had a clue. Maybe I’m giving him too much credit here, I’ve never asked him about it. That would be awkward and far too intimate for my boundaries with other humans. He taught me to be kind to myself and not to take myself too seriously.
I think some people are connected on a spiritual level. I don’t know if I believe in soulmates, but if I do; I don’t think it has anything to do with romance. I process things through writing and I think I have finally found what I’m looking for when it comes to this massive failure that hangs over my head.
He isn’t just my mentor, he’s one of my people. I’m connected to him on a much deeper level and I am an all or nothing person. I don’t compartmentalize, and I don’t know how to make a recommendation for someone solely from a professional standpoint when I have a profound personal connection as well.
I’m grateful I got hired for that job. I learned much more than finances, loans, and customer service from him. I think we probably both ended up with more than we bargained for, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything… Except maybe the ability to write a better recommendation for someone I care so much about.
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