I want a cigarette. I'm not going to lie, I really want one. This has been my third time quitting smoking, my third pregnancy, and I have to confess I will more than likely start up again after the baby is born. I remember that one-liner where the comedian says he knows he can quit smoking because he has done it so many times. I'm happy to quit while pregnant, but I don't want to really quit.
I started smoking when I was 12. No one in my family smokes and I started because my friend and I stole a pack from her mother. After we smoked the whole pack we started stealing them from her mother more and more often. I'm pretty sure her mom knew but decided to play stupid. Then when we were both addicted, we found other sources. Her older sister would buy them for us. There was actually a little convenience store near school that would sell to us even though we didn't look even close to 18.
For a long time I managed to keep it a secret from my family. But when I was 14, my mom commented that she often smells smoke on me and I confessed. I didn't see the need to lie, I didn't expect her to be too angry. She was definitely disappointed and suggested I stop. I started smoking at home, usually outside but sometimes I would sneak one in my room. My sisters seemed a little shocked that I was smoking, but no one gave me a hard time about it and I felt comfortable. I eventually got brave and asked my mom if she would buy them for me and she agreed.
Soon I was smoking a pack a day and I was smoking regularly in my room and elsewhere in the house if no one was around. When we would take trips as a family they would stop just to let me smoke. I think back to when I was smoking most heavily and I'm really surprised everyone was so accommodating about letting a 15 year old smoke.
I hated the idea of quitting when I got pregnant, but I did. My family helped me a lot with cravings and I think they were all pretty pissed at me when I started smoking again right afterward. I never went back to smoking nearly as much as I used to, more like a half pack a day, but I want to keep smoking. I get pleasure from it. I don't drink very much and I never got into any drugs. I just like smoking.
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