On Fred Phelps and Complicated Feelings in The Daily (2014)

March 21, 2014, 5:07 a.m.
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Public

Mulling over some thoughts regarding the death of Fred Phelps and the reactions I have seen so far online to it.

The Phelps family and their (small) church is very easy to hate. But, what does it mean that they are so widely hated for their homophobic viewpoints when our society is undoubtedly a homophobic one. When does bigotry cross the threshold from the mundane to the notable? What makes WBC's protests at funerals more violent and bigoted than the father imploring his child to change their dress because people might think they are a "faggot"; or the church that, every Sunday, tells it's congregation that the queer kids among them will be met my hell-fire in death, that they are undeserving of love and family and acceptance; or the television show that treats queer and trans* people as a punchline; or the taunts of a bully overlooked by teachers because the victim had incited that violence by transgressing the gender expectations put on him by embracing a kids show "meant for girls".

I mean, this is our culture. How is it possible that the same people that stand by and allow, or even support, these violences speak so resoundly of their hatred for Phelps and their wish that he suffer for eternity? I can't help but wonder if the position that we give the WBC- as this symbol of bigotry and hatred and evil- doesn't serve more as a way of deflecting critque of our own more "everyday" acts of homophobia and transphobia- to say that bigotry is something else all together- and hey, "at least we aren't those guys"- so that we can go back to our positions of complacency.

I find myself feeling weary of Christians who say that what the WBC does "isn't Christian" when homophobia remains commonplace in Christian churches the world over. I find myself feeling taken aback by the number of straight men who are perfectly happy turning queer people into punch likes or punching bags that are treating Phelp's death like a victory. I find myself wondering whether this doesn't indicate, more than anything, a refusal to be accountable for the hatred that exists within our own communities.

At any rate, I genuinely hope that Phelp's is not burning in Hell, because I want neither to believe that anyone deserves to suffer nor that there is a God that is that full of hatred and anger- because I wouldn't want to live in a world created by a hateful, angry God.

Not entirely sure how coherent this post is- I am pretty tired. I haven't worked out my thoughts on this entirely myself. I was going to post to facebook but decided I would rather just leave it here. My brain isn't quite in functioning order at this point in the semester.

theocean. ⋅ March 21, 2014

This was an interesting read, and there were quite a few internal head nods going on. I think the point about it becoming a comparison is spot on -- "well, those people are much worse than me... those people are the TRUE bigots." I think a lot of times people forget the power of words and subtle actions. When a person's words are homophobic, that still spreads bigoted thoughts and perpetuates the idea that it's OK to think with such prejudice, and to perhaps let those thoughts transform to actions. I think that so often, people soothe themselves with the idea that they're "accepting" because they're not participating in highly visible acts of discrimination and hatred. My brother, for example, makes subtly Islamophobic comments all the time, but I think he rationalizes it as acceptable because his sister is a visible Muslim so obviously he doesn't hate all Muslims, you know? Dang, I'm rambling now too and the text box on my phone is so small so I'm sure this isn't coherent -- whoops.

softea theocean. ⋅ March 21, 2014

nope! totally coherent!

I know sooo many people like your brother. I have family members who are like this. It drives me up the wall. My brother loves to make incredibly homophobic jokes and then say, "I'm not homophobic. It is just a joke. I have gay friends", if he gets called out. But, no, it isn't just a joke. It contributes to a culture that is incredibly toxic for queer people, and made it impossible for me to come out to him until I had to. Must be frustrating and hurtful to hear your brothers islamophobic comments.

and, yes, you said it well- words are incredibly powerful. Even if you think that it is a joke, or you don't mean it "like that"- it is something that someone who is queer might hear a dozen times a day. And it damages you- especially youth. And, yes, I agree, it contributes to a culture where homophobia (and transphobia and misogyny- they all go hand in hand) is normalized- where a kid who brings a my little pony bag to school and gets beaten up can be told my teachers not to bring the bag to school because it incites the violence he received and people will /agree/ with that decision and question the judgement of the parent. Ugh. For just one example.