Having a terrible day, filled with dread and ridiculous fears... or maybe not so ridiculous, but fear of things I have no real power over.
This happens sometimes when I read/see the news in the morning. First, I had been thinking that the missing plane had been diverted to some area to be re-used as some sort of missile or fighter jet and that it will turn up someplace terrible... maybe even here. That was confirmed by some pilot specialist this morning on the news saying he sort of thought that might be the end result too.
Next, USA today reported on the press secretary counterpart in Russia saying that Russia could sizzle us to pieces with their nukes any time they wanted to. That didn’t exactly put my mind at any more ease.
By the time I got off the train this morning, I was so filled with fear, my knees were actually weak. Of course I was thinking about how much I DON’T want my beautiful granddaughters having to suffer a horrible life filled with radiation poisoning, terrorism, nuclear winter... you name it.
Ugh, I get off on these tangents. I’m so – I don’t know what the word is - but I’m so whatever about my granddaughters. It’s worse even than I was about my kids. Maybe I somehow was able to accept that life was going to catch up with my kids someday but can’t really accept it about my grandkids... not sure.
There’s this long, odd quote from the book/movie The Yearling. It’s a little stupid since it’s all in dialect, but the underlying meaning goes straight to my heart. It is the truth in every parent’s/grandparent’s soul. –>
“Ever' man wants life to be a fine thing, and a easy. 'Tis fine, boy, powerful fine, but 'tain't easy. Life knocks a man down and he gits up and it knocks him down agin. I've been uneasy all my life...I've wanted life to be easy for you. Easier'n 'twas for me. A man's heart aches, seein' his young uns face the world. Knowin' they got to get their guts tore out, the way his was tore. I wanted to spare you, long as I could. I wanted you to frolic with your yearlin'. I knowed the lonesomeness he eased for you. But ever' man's lonesome. What's he to do then? What's he to do when he gits knocked down? Why, take it for his share and go on.
We ALL want life to be easy, and we especially want it to be easy for our offspring and their offspring only it doesn’t happen that way. The thing is, we’re hoping that it just won’t be tragic. We may not be able to make it easy, but I just don’t see why - as a world - we adults have to make it so f**ing tragic. Wars - bad enough there are murderers and perverts, thieves and individuals out there who are up to no good - do we REALLY have to have governments and entire bodies of people out to kill each other too??? If all wars were decided by panels of grandmas, I’m not so sure we’d be hopping into wars quite so quickly.
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