The air here is trying to kill me. It’s probably not personal, but it could be.
It’s a mere hop, skip and jump from that sentence to this one; What if I’m a voice of reason in an otherwise insane world? Heh, scary, right? Take a bit bit shorter hop, skip and jump to What if you are the voice of reason? More scary or less scary or about the same?
I mean that’s crazy talk, isn’t it? Most people are fairly rational and, well, most people are normative, that’s the definition of normative isn’t it? What most people are? It’s certainly a very democratic definition and I suppose on some level a very socialist definition and … we both know most people are fucking nuts.
How do I know you and I agree? I don’t, we probably don’t agree, except for that one little nagging piece about most people being fucking nuts. We come here, granted with varying frequency, but here is a non-place, most people are not here, most people are just the other side of that door or wall, or, you know, right behind you.
Huh. The crazy ass stuff above was lurking in a diminished file on the desktop. I had almost the exact opposite sort of moment, um, like a couple of handfuls of minutes and/or quarter of an hours ago or so.
Almost all but the wildest of ice cairns are gone, it topped near fifty today. I had one of those fleeting bouts of physical nostalgia. All the more disturbing as I settle into either “it’s just me” or “it’s really fucked up here” and then for a few still minutes the air is absolutely perfect, the spring song of little birds, the smell of grass shedding it’s winter weight, neon co-eds dashing into the street after a football, a frizbee, another co-ed. It’s a bit scary. It’s like the town is being held hostage but being told to act natural.
Yes, I’ve been in a shitty mood for the last year and a half (ok, the last decade, but it was a better shitty mood in, say, 2004, or even the tail end of 2012) and so I do take that into account when I either rant out-loud or mutter to myself about how --- dissatisfied--- I am with this area. I don’t think those glimpses of how it’s supposed to be are in any way, shape or form just me. I mean the first thousand times I left this town wasn’t because it sucked, it was because I didn’t care for it. I think there has been some criminal neglect.
I mean I know there has been some criminal neglect to the planet, the odds are against all of it landing here. There has been some criminal neglect to the US economy; it’s worse here. On paper I think it was worse in Portland, in practice; neglect.
You shouldn’t be able to notice a difference in the air and the sky in just a few decades, I mean it’s not an industrial town, well, it was, the industry died, at any rate that should have improved the quality of, well, just about everything except for the economy. This town, however, has had the university as it’s industry, it should flourish; 45k suckers with a paw full of folding green every three months.
I don’t know. A friend of mine said she was listening to the news at some odd hour of the morning, there was a story about some city employees being fired. During the power outage (Christmas-ish, I want to say like the 18th through the 27th maybe) they had found something like a gallon and a half of mercury near the water supply. They took a shop vac to it and didn’t tell anyone about it (e.g. Hey you guys, don’t drink the water, ok?) . Doesn’t even make sense does it? Not only do I trust my source, but it’s sort of how things happen around here. No. Here exactly, the areas around here seem to be fine. I’ve still never gotten a clear answer on where our water comes from, but it’s not the same place surrounding towns get it from. Weird, right?
I’ve been bitching about the water since I got here. I haven’t drank much from the taps here, not because I suspected mercury, the water just tastes overly treated, like drinking from a swimming pool.
I don’t know, maybe3 I should shut the hell up.
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