How to Proceed in Life
- June 11, 2020, 8:01 a.m.
- |
- Public
Now I’m gonna preface this with saying that I’m prone to paranoia and this is a broken record entry about Pam and her Cellphone.
Yesterday Elly got her vaccinations and they went as well as they could. Given the new ‘normal’ Pam had to go into the appointment on her own with Elly and I could hear Elly crying through into the lobby. We went and did some normal people shopping, with Elly going back to daycare soon we figured all quarantine bets were off until later notice so we took Elly in with us and carried her around so she couldn’t touch everything and get too close to people. Pretty non-descript day.
But as the day went on and I started to cook dinner Pam was pretty much on her phone from the start of dinner, through dinner and after dinner and it really got under my skin. So one of the things we bought was new curtains which I had to put up and she was on her cellphone through all of it. Granted I didn’t need help so I didn’t ask for help but I don’t think anyone likes to be the only one in the room working while someone else is on their cellphone. Elly was in there too running her usual chaos gambit while Pam just ignored her and then I was just about done setting up the curtains and thinking about what else I had to do so I asked “Is the kitchen clean from dinner” Not “Did you Clean the kitchen” nothing passive aggressive like that and she stomps out in a huff “God forbid I have a conversation!”
Wtf was that?
She stomped off to clean the kitchen and the whole event just left a bad taste in my mouth. We didn’t discuss it the rest of the night but it’s eating at me so I know I’m going to have to pop that zit today.
Earlier last week I was like “Hey you’re on your cellphone a lot” and she said “So are you” so I conceded and said “You’re right, I think we both need to be on our cellphone’s less” and I believe I’ve made a damn good effort for it but being on it all through dinner is really just the line for me. That’s insulting to me as a cook and as a husband and just on so many levels it pisses me off. We have a kid, I don’t want them to grow up thinking it’s okay to be on your cellphone all the time but maybe if she sees it she’ll be annoyed by it.
At some point Elly brought a book to her while she was on her phone and she just put it on her lap and ignored Elly until she was finished talking to who ever and /eventually/ read the book to her.
The whole thing is throwing up a lot of red flags for me and like I said, I’m prone to be paranoid so maybe I’m reading too much into it but I really don’t like how it’s making me feel and I’m not sure how to approach it without pissing her off.
DE_KentuckyGirl ⋅ June 11, 2020
That's a tough one. We had a "no cellphone rule" for meals, whether at home or eating out. It was hard to keep telling the kids no when my hubby, who is glued to his cell 24/7, was on his every time. He is an old school "do as I say, not as I do" parent and it drives me bonkers.
DE_Da_Bartender DE_KentuckyGirl ⋅ June 12, 2020
That would drive me up the wall, leading by example is key. How do you deal with someone who always has a cellphone to their face? Do you feel like you're missing out on time with them or is it just a battle not worth fighting?
DE_KentuckyGirl DE_Da_Bartender ⋅ June 12, 2020 (edited June 12, 2020)
Edited
Actually, it's a struggle. I've come to this conclusion; I put myself through the anger and resentment and exasperation for something I can't really change. He's a grown man. I'm not his mom. I used to say stuff and then be in a bad mood because he did what he wanted anyway so now, I will make plans for me and kids, tell him, then go on with those plans without him if he is still fucking around with his phone or other electronics. It's been a mind over matter thing and I still get irritated that he misses out because he finds that distraction more important. We've had endless talks and nothing has changed. So now I focus on not poisoning myself with his distraction and make my own plans/memories rather than ruining it for myself by brooding or nagging him.
This means like vacation, for instance, I pretty much put myself in the mindset that I am alone with my kids and act accordingly. If he joins in, great. But I've dropped expectations for my own sanity.
When it comes to talking, if he picks up his phone while we are having a discussion and it's my turn to speak, I stop abruptly and walk away. There was one occasion where I did this and he literally threw his phone down, and sighed in irritation, and said "fine! Its down!" And I lost it, told him he was being very rude to me, that we were having a conversation and that him picking up his phone when I began talking was akin to him turning his head around to speak to a physical person while I was talking to him. I told him that whoever he was texting could wait. I then told him that I had no desire to speak to someone who wasn't interested in conversation and only wanted to be a part of one if HE was speaking. Then I left the room.