I had a really great trip to Florida for the last couple of weeks. It made me so grateful for the support system that I have and my incredible friends. Being around them totally made me forget about that ass of an ex that I had and his 21 year old girlfriend that my friends renamed Christopher (she looks like a man). It’s so petty and mean to make fun of her, but those laughs were much needed. But now that I’m back in California, I feel angry. I’m no longer surrounded by my group of super supportive friends. And although I don’t want to be with my ex, I hate him in a way, and I just want to give him a give “F you.” Seeing him happy makes me angry, even though I hate the person he’s become. It’s been 4 months. I need to stop feeling angry. I had a ton of exercises that I used for myself when we were on a break, but now the situation is different. And to be honest, I feel a bit lost. I want to stop being angry, but I don’t know how or what to do. I don’t always feel angry, tonight is one of those nights. But I wish those nights wouldn’t happen anymore. I want to move forward, and I want time to speed up. Actually, I want to forget him. I’m having so much trouble moving forward from this anger and resentment.
My therapist says that towards the end of our relationship, there was a lot of anger and blame towards me and that I need to remember that nothing was my fault and the blame that he placed on me wasn’t right. I know this is true, but somehow I don’t know if I fully believe it yet.
I hate him so much.
I don’t want to live with this negativity. How do I turn this around? Maybe I should think about the opportunities I now have because of the shitty person he is. I don’t know if that’s necessarily positive, but it’s a start.
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