help? hahahahah opinions? in hi .. im new here lol

I wanted to let out my emotions but not to people I know so I decided why not share w strangers lol..
relationship yeah I know ugh
my bf and I will be marking two years of dating in a couple days, exciting I know.
but our relationship has gone through some ups and downs..
I love him and he loves me?at the beginning of this year I took him to Catalina for a little getaway. everything was amazing I loved every single bit of that trip we connected even more which I loved, but when we got back he was being more lovable some days and some days not. Im not the type to go through someones phone but I got really anxious so I did…
everything was good until I got on snapchat lol I know yikes.
He had been talking to one of his old coworkers :( she would send him pictures and he would like them, they flirted and sext text. I cried I cried for hours and in front of him so he can feel my pain. they never met up I wanted to leave him and move on but I couldn’t, I had really fucked up relationships before horrible to be exact.. my bf made me feel happy I was finally happy I didn’t want to let him go so I stayed. I forgave him so I thought. He been doing good I don’t check his phone because im scared. until yesterday I checked and guess what? ....
it was clean and im happy. but I also feel mad and sad and have all these mixed emotions
I feel like I haven’t forgave him entirely but I want to completely just doubt know how.. help? pls hahah
and I know I should have left but I love him, I really do ..