11 years and I couldn’t tell you how many times I struggle daily to love him. He tries so hard to support our family, and keep me happy.
You see, he lost his parents at 12 years old - his dad to suicide and his mom to alcoholism, though she didn’t pass away until about 5 years ago. Before that, his parents fought constantly, on and off of drugs. Life was not easy for him.
He still has trauma from growing up and refuses to see a therapist to help him work through it. Instead he’s taking the ‘manly’ approach and stuffing it deep down inside.
This festers into anger and unpredictable rage. (No he has never hit me, just goes on an oversized rant for 2-3 hours over tiny things, then feels bad about it after.)
He has a very stressful job but is very good at it. He is paid about twice as much as anyone else in his field because of his capabilities. But I can see the toll that it is taking.
This man doesn’t do anything traditional, but he will make sure I feel special. This weekend he took our family out to go hiking, let me sleep in and cleaned the WHOLE house (toilets and all), took all responsibilities of the family and made it possible for me to do whatever I wanted today.
I got to spend over half of my day painting. After a day of nature and then today, my soul feels refreshed. Yet tonight he asks if he made enough brownie points this weekend, after we have had some kind of encounter for then last three days.
I’m repulsed by him one moment, but completely adore him the next.
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