Yesterday was my middle son’s 18th birthday. Last year, I forgot the blackberries in the freezer I had hurriedly picked in one quick late evening session in a close by neighborhood. So busy, summer 2018 - no time for a vacation or even for a leisurely day picking berries in a picturesque location. I picked along the road on a slope above a local golf course, with lots of foot traffic going by. I stopped at dark when I had barely enough for a pie. Then on his birthday one year ago, I forgot – I can’t explain how I forget this tradition of baking a blackberry birthday pie for him. I baked a spicecake with peanut butter frosting instead, which is what I have routinely made for my husband.
I baked the pie in the afternoon after I finished work. After arguing with him for the 10th time, receiving his jeers and scoffing laughter. Resisting chores, bickering with siblings, lack of respect in all interactions, utter lack of regard for family members. Parenting teens has been the most grueling experience of my life. I’ve never baked a pie for anyone in such a joyless state. I’m ashamed to say that I thought about it being the last birthday pie with some hopefulness – will he go to college in the fall? Will he launch and be gone successfully and at least somewhat permanently? I don’t see the maturity there for it, but I know it’s his intent to head off to school. No berries in the freezer now. I didn’t pick any blackberries last summer, another busy summer without a vacation.
Being in pandemic “quarantine” has intensified the conflict in my house. 3 kids at home with almost nothing to do. B has met all the requirements for high school graduation already, although no work was required of him since mid-March. He quit his part time job and is collecting unemployment while he watches endless amounts of tv and stares at his mobile device playing mindless games. Normally, I am out of the house for work and other activities, so I can get some space. But now working at the dining room table day after day, I can’t escape this culture of device addiction in this house. And now my 11-year old has a school-issued laptop – she spends all day with it…It breaks my heart, the lack of human connection, the loss of relationship.
The pie tasted fine, served with vanilla ice cream. Everyone sat together at the table for a take-out meal of Lebanese food, then pie and ice cream for dessert. I don’t remember the last time five of us were together at the table for a meal.
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