The title says it all. I have the ability to keep moving forward but the inability to move on from you. It will be a year in June when you broke up with me, but July was when I made the decision to cut communication all together. You were so offended that I didn’t want to be your physical comfort. You felt betrayed by me from one thing I did; but of all the times you betrayed me the four years together must have been a free pass. Your heart was closed but your body physically needed me. My heart was still in it. After all the lies, I was still in it. How dare you be confused for not wanting to continue the intimacy. You couldn’t understand that I was screaming inside because it was more than just physical.
Almost a year, and I still cry every day. All the dates I have been on since, and no one compares. The one person that was even close wanted a different future....meaning children which we both know I shouldn’t have anymore.
When will this pain end? One realization that has come upon me is that I have been selfish most of this time. I have been sad and yearning for your return oblivious to the fact that perhaps you are happier without me. If you are my soulmate and I do truly love you, then shouldn’t I be happy?
You used to think that all you needed was love, and that everything will work itself out. At the end, you no longer thought that; so perhaps it was never love to begin with. Or at least it was a one-sided love the whole time.
Even though the relationship was toxic, there was a lot that was not. And I would do it again without a thought.
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