I’ve been dealing with depression, but it recently got worse. A couple months ago, I felt like I was at my all time low. One of my main thoughts was about how unhappy I was at my job. My negative thoughts caused my long-term relationship to end, which caused me to spiral. I didn’t think I could get lower, but I did.
It led me to have more suicidal thoughts than ever before. It was the first time I came close to actually going through with it. But thinking about my family was delaying my action.
Eventually I got help, with the support of my family and professional medical help.
Then I lost my job due to COVID, even though I was unhappy with my career, at least I got money, but I no longer had any financial support. I went through a spiral, once again. Still trying to recover from my first one.
I started to become positive, thinking, losing my job was a blessing in disguise, so I can focus on a career change. I had a career in mind, and I was excited to go through with it once the pandemic was over. Then I found out that job was rare, that they only hire every couple of years.
Again, I spiraled. Nothing seemed to get better.
I was still getting medical support. But the future started to look bleak again. I felt lost and confused. I wanted to give up.
It took a long time, but I’m starting to get better. I try not to worry about the future, or past. I am trying to take better care of myself. I am doing my best to be kinder to myself. I wanted this journal to highlight some of my progress. To remind my future self that I can go through any problems that I may have, because I got through this one.
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