I really hate quarantine. I hate that it has stopped me from seeing my friends, caused so many problems, and I just wish that this would end. My teacher told us we need to write in a gratitude journal, but everything I’m writing is fucking fake. Sure, I might have thought that was nice, but I don’t give a shit about it whatsoever.
My parents have been more focused on my sister’s health, as she has depression, which I’m totally fine with. Her problems seem to be much worse than mine, or so they imply. But I’m fucking done with this to be honest. I tell everyone I’m fine, but they keep pushing all of these things I’m not interested in.
I started watching Twitch Speedruns again, something I want to do actually, but my dad wants to finish the Final Fantasy 7 Remake instead, which is interesting, but because he keeps pushing it, it isn’t that fun anymore.
I act like I’m fine all the time, but I’m not. People say things, even if they don’t mean it, which gets under my skin and keeps me up at night. The first time I actually tried to express my emotions to them, I still felt lonely and if they didn’t care. I never trust anyone with my emotions and I really never think I will.
I don’t know what to do. I just wish that my birthday wasn’t until after May, as so many things were cancelled and I’m not excited for it at all. Tbh, I haven’t been that excited for my birthday in a few years. I’m surrounded by more friends than I ever had in my life, but I feel more alone. I don’t want a birthday. I want to be with people that I miss.
My mother has seriously been on my ass for the past month. She acts so pretentious, and she says she is introverted like me, but I think that she really isn’t. She doesn’t like that I’m alone all the time, and my family in general doesn’t understand that I don’t want to spend time with them. They keep ramming that you need to be with your loved ones during this time, but I don’t want to be with them. They are so condescending, and when I’m with them one on one it’s fine. But together, they make me feel horrible and I hate them for that.
I’m always supposed to never give up, but I just feel like giving up all the time. People always point out my faults, and it’s not like I forget them everyday. I just wish people would shut up and leave me alone. You never are going to get anything out of me on how I’m feeling. I deal with them by myself, and if you don’t good for you. You stick to yourself and I will too.
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