I don’t usually question myself and the decisions I make for my life, but recently there has been one that I don’t regret and I don’t disagree with but for some reason many people seems to judge me for it. I don’t want children. I never have. Don’t get me wrong I like kids, my brother has two and one on the way, and my sister just got pregnant as well. I love being an aunt and I do spend as much time as I can with my nieces. But at the end of the day, even with the love my nieces give me, I’m not drawn to have any of my own. Right now it’s not even possible for me to have children as I’m currently single, and would never want to have a child as a single parent. I give a lot of credit to the men or women that are single parents. That cannot be easy. When I babysit and that’s only for a couple hours I’m often exhausted. I couldn’t imagine being that way all the time.
So does it make me strange, different, that I don’t want children? Maybe. I know other people who don’t want children but I know that we are in the minority. But recently people have been making me feel bad about my decision. Trying to convince me to change my mind. That this is something that I’m supposed to want to have in my life. That I need to have in my life. I don’t think that’s fair. Especially for someone who is in my position. I don’t make a lot of money, but its adequate for me. I am able to support myself. I have a nice home, I have clothes and food and everything I need to live a comfortable life. I don’t have a lot left over each month after bills so I just don’t understand how people are telling me to have a child. I wouldn’t be able to afford it. Especially being a “single” parent, I would have to put the child in daycare and that is expensive. So all the money I would be making working, would have to go to pay for day care. I would have to go on welfare to feed and cloth myself and a child. Do people not understand this? It’s not purely selfish why I don’t want children. For me it would be financially impossible.
So I encourage any of you out there that are in my position or know someone who doesn’t want children, don’t judge. Yes there are many selfish reasons not to have children. Some of my reason fall into this category. But you are not me and I am not you. Stop telling others what is best for them in their lives. You probably don’t have the slightest clue what their financial situation is, what the home life is really like. And for any of you mothers out there, do not pressure your children to do something they do not want to do. I told my mother years ago that I didn’t want to have children and she literally threw a fit. Years later, she’s calmed down a bit now that she has two grandchildren and two more on the way, but she still expects me to have children at some point and just can’t accept that I don’t want to be here and have four children and be a stay at home mom. It is ok that your children turn out differently than you. It doesn’t make them any less of a person, or you any less of a mother. But accept the decisions they make as you have done the best you can to raise your children and as adults they are now capable of making these decisions without your input.
That’s my rant for today. I don’t want kids and I should not have to feel guilty for my choice. And I refuse to feel guilty.
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