I am so, so, so so, so, sooooo close to 3 months free. I just have to make it to the end of this month and I have done it.
I been feeling destructive since I accidently drank some vodka on Saturday. I went to see a friend's band play at a pub and I only asked for a diet coke and somehow they got the order wrong and added vodka. Took one sip before noticing the mistake but that seems to be all it takes to get the taste back. Quitting was hard enough and right now I feel like I could drink a full bottle and that is most likely why I feel like cutting. So no drinking for me unless I want to fuck up because I know full well that's where being drunk always takes me.
I ended up binging last night on a full large stuffed crust pizza and threw it all back up, felt bad about it this morning so decided to add to my fuck ups by taking some morphine and codeine. Didn't take much at all, not enough enough for a good buzz so totally not worth resetting the count for but I can not do much about it now.
If I could just get the urge to drink out of my head then I will be ok. I know I won't cut if I just stay sober. If I don't cut and stay sober I can get better.
First stop, make it to 3 months. 7 days to go.
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