These are my two favorite words right now...cautiously optimistic...sitting in group a few weeks ago with several other parents of addicts, one of the moms said she is "cautiously optimistic" that this time it will work. For some reason that really stuck with me. I think that is all we can ever be with addicts. We always hope that this is the time it will stick, that this has been the rehab that worked to break the cycle. We don't want to get our hopes up to high because we've all been knocked on our asses so many times that most of us are nothing more than a mass of broken bones with half healed, highly scarred shells. It's hard to love an addict. You know, let me rephrase that. It's not hard to love an addict but it is impossible to understand one or to predict what their next move might be. I know this from experience. No matter how many time she hurt me, stole from me, lied to me, scared me half to death and disappeared...I love her. I will always love her. I know how hard it is to love an addict but when that addict is your child, your beautiful daughter, it's simply devastating.
I sent her to SAFP...that stand for Substance Abuse Felony Program. It's prison for addicts. It's not a nice cushy rehab program. We've done those many times. No, this is the real deal....the reality check. Addiction has 2 simple outcomes....prison or death. It's a disease with a death sentence. Sure you can go in to remission (recovery) but none the less the disease is always present. It never goes away...there is no cure, only treatment. She has been to many treatment centers....many rehab centers. She's gotten clean over and over and over. When she getting clean it's always the same thing. She's so happy to have her life back, never going to use again, life is amazing, so grateful for me and her family, loves us all so so much. Do I think she's lying? No, no I don't. But these rehabs were nice places. Expensive places where you could hang out and watch TV, eat what you wanted, have visitors...all in a beautiful setting meant to be peaceful and relaxing. So, she got clean....it would usually last for a few months.
So this time it's SAFP....I sent my daughter to prison. And yes it was my choice. She's on probation and failed 2 drug tests. I knew she needed something major so I asked them to send her to SAFP. She's much different this time so I am cautiously optimistic. I miss my daughter, she was my best friend for many years before she fell down the rabbit hole. I hope to her back soon. I get glimpses of her now, more and more every time I see her. So fingers crossed and wishing upon a star....here's to cautious optimism.
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