I imagine everyone waking up in a fog this morning, as I remind myself I’m not special. The melodramatic weight of the coronavirus situation is on us all. It’s weird. I’m supposed to be the melodramatic one, but now I’m the straight man in a crazy world. As long as I’m contrary, I guess I’ll be okay.
I woke up with my left shoulder hurting more. Last week, when my partner came to visit me in suburban New Jersey, I massaged her left shoulder because it was bothering her. I think part of the pain is from taking that too strenuously, but also, it just is. I know that if she were here, she would massage it. I like the physical pain to accent how my heart feels in her absence.
And also, she’s in the epicenter of the outbreak, in New York City. She’s 50. She’s smoked in the past. She’s fine; She had a little cold. And on and on I list facts about her and reassurances to myself - this puts her at risk, but actually she’s healthy, but what if this and that - and what about the healthy ones that suffered - but look at the odds - It’s not helpful.
I want her to come wait this out with me, in New Jersey. But I have the kids every other week, and I know she’s not ready to, basically, move in with me and the kids. I just thought, well, it’s an emergency situation, we all just do the best we can. But my layer of dramatic necessity easily faded in the face of the practical fact, that it’s just not necessary. I can still drive to see her when I don’t have the kids, and our every-other-week relationship doesn’t need to change despite the world crumbling around us, save for (even) more supportive feelings and messaging.
Her father passed away, and her job became more stressful and demanding, and now the world is taken over by a virus. When will things calm down?
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