I'm still here in 2020 Vision

Barely reading and barely noting, but I’m still here. I’ve just lost a lot of motivation and honestly, at times I question if writing here actually makes me feel better in the end. And then coronavirus hit, and the world flipped upside down. I have a lot of opinions about it (some popular, some not so popular) and I’d love to be able to constructively voice those opinions, but I don’t want to have to deal with the comments. But at the same time, I know I have at least a few readers who seem to have similar beliefs/thoughts as me, and I’d love to hear their opinions. So I don’t want to close comments off completely. I think I just need to tidy up my Friends List and go Friends only. But then I cut off the opportunity to find new readers who I have things in common with. AHHH the struggle is real. If I could find a way to block one or two, then I could just do that and be set.

I’ve been working from home since about a week after the virus hit here in Washington state AND I HATE IT. I live alone, no human roommates AND I AM GOING BAT SHIT CRAZY. The few friends I have are going to be suffering from Agoraphobia by the time this is over. One of them won’t even let her cat outside because she thinks her cat is going to go outside, catch the virus and then bring the virus back inside the home. They won’t go outside themselves, not even their kids. I told my therapist that now I genuinely wish I worked for an Amazon warehouse because then I’d at least get to be around people all day without being judged to the 1st degree of murder by the general public. I also told her that Coronavirus wont kill me, but being alone all day will. I was pretty much super ridiculously angry during my last session with her. She was, unfortunately, the only human interaction I’ve had for a few weeks, so she ended up being my verbal punching bag regarding my unpopular opinions. Hopefully she doesn’t end up telling me to get lost.

THEY CLOSED THE FUCKING TRAILHEADS! It is currently illegal for me to go on a hike, but perfectly legal for me to stand in line with all the other people buying booze, pot, and guns.

I get the rules of social distancing and what they are aimed to achieve. Trust me, I get it. I get closing down gyms too. I get that I could be a carrier and pass it along to an old person (don’t remember the last time I came into contact with an old person). But to close down all state parks, forest service land, dnr land, and tribal recreation land so that I literally cannot go hiking ANYWHERE in ANY far out boonies has got me fucked up in the mentals. The county parks are also closed, but they are only closed to vehicle traffic. Basically, you can still go to the parks, but you can’t park there; they are gated. And I get that some trailheads are busy, but to close down ALL outdoor hiking opportunities is just fucking mindblowing to me. They will be closed until at least May 4th.

Of course all of my friends who are holed up in their homes living the sedentary life have zero sympathy for someone who absolutely relies on the outdoors to keep their mental health in check.

I’ve been doing a lot of running locally around my neighborhood to release my anger (since kickboxing is no longer a thing) and rollerblading. Rollerblading was/is an old childhood love that is somehow keeping me grounded.

The Young Buck is still on deployment. I can’t remember where things were with him when I left off here, but they have been actually pretty good for awhile now. I don’t know when he’ll be home but I suspect in a few weeks. He’ll be in for a coronavirus shock when he gets back. Yes, he told me his command has passed a long information, as have I (basically I told him about the trailheads, kickboxing and no hair cuts), but I don’t think he’ll walk into a store expecting to see everyone wearing facemasks and stickers on the floor showing spacings of 6 feet apart in the check out lines. That’s when it’ll hit.

Hopefully he wont have any issues coming over to see me!