I can still see her face
That night before she went to bed.... She kept coming into my room .. She um had left her charger in the car and didn’t want to go grab it..Plugged it in my room. So, she kept coming in to check on her phone.. I of course like fucking always.... I was tired. I was playing a stupid fucking game.... And I remember.... I kept giving her grief for interrupting my game… Telling her that her bad luck kept making me lose....
I remember I kept looking up everytime she walked in… And… I could see something was bugging her… A semi frown on her face which she kept trying to hide behind a crooked smile....
I could tell…
I knew..
She wanted to say something to me…
I could see it in her eyes. But I kept shushing her. Finally :(:( got fed up. oh god. And I snapped at her. Told her to just take the damn charger.
I will never forget the look in her eyes. She looked… like she had already given up..
I remember staring at my door..... Trying to decide if I should go to talk to her.... Was she just going to snap at me? Would she even tell me? Or was she just going to bitch about her ex girlfriend again....
I wish I could write what happened next.
I am not strong enough for I am a coward. The coward I will always be… \
Too afraid of knowing what my sister was thinking or feeling..... too afraid to show love.. Too afraid to be my loving self.... Too afraid to live. Too afraid to help my sister when she needed it.
Now, it’s no surprise… I am too afraid to tell my story. To tell hers.
For this I live my eternal punishment. Life without my sister. Life without love. Life without meaning.
I welcome this.
For I deserve worse.
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