Depths of my heart in God, With Skin On

Whoever said being a Christian was easy and only for the weak is wrong. Add to that being a pastor and life really gets tough. Some days I feel like I am spinning out of control. There are days when the bad outweighs the good. And then those inevitable “Why God” days, or weeks, or months.
I have doubts. Can I prove God exists? No more than you can prove He doesn’t. Why do good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people? I can give you the theological answer, but it doesn’t really help much. We all tend to blame our problems on someone or something else.
I was born this way, God created me this way, or whatever excuse you want to use that makes you feel better about your self. I am realist and I know many of the problems I face or my own doings. Choices have consequences. And not to make a choice is still making a choice.
I received word again this morning that a friend has cancer. I am so sick of hearing this. Why doesn’t God either stop it or give the human race a cure for it? Is that too much to ask?
And it is days like this that I want to just pull the covers up to my neck and just stay in bed.

Just call me Doubting Thomas